Incase I Die, Here's My Goodbye
by LauraHannah90
Summary: Bella is pregnant and she's beginning to feel weak. Edward tells her she will live, but she has her doubts. Just in case, Bella writes each member of her family a letter of goodbye. Canon. During Breaking Dawn.
1. Alice

_Summary: During Breaking Dawn, Bella is pregnant after the honey moon on Isle Esme. Edward keeps telling her that she will survive, but she has doubts that she's going to make it through the birth because she feels so weak. Just in case she dies, she writes each member of her family a letter of goodbye. _

_Please remember: Bella was adamant that her child was a boy, even though we all know that her child was a girl, and is in fact called Renesmee instead of Edward Jacob. Also, if you are familiar with my works, you should know that I prefer to write canon stories that fit into the original storyline. If you have trouble placing this story, imagine that it takes place during Book 2: Jacob's Point of View, okay? Any questions, please do not hesitate to ask me. _

_I hope you enjoy this story. Each chapter will basically be a letter._

_Of course, I do not own Twilight; Stephenie Meyer does. _

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Alice,

I have no idea how I am supposed to write this letter. But I have to. I've _got _to. Just in case. Edward tells me I am not going to die, but I can't be sure and neither can you. I know how frustrated you are about that. Don't hold it against yourself, Alice. I'm certainly not! I know you feel particularly responsible for the well-being of the family, but you cannot for see everything. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Of course, I want to live, but not at the price of my little nudger. You understand, surely, Alice?

But you don't understand how hard this letter is to write. It's taken me a very long time for me to persuade Rosalie to give me some time alone to write it – I do not want an audience when I say my goodbyes. I had to start with yours. Yours is one of the hardest to write, Alice, do you know that? Do you know how much I love you? Not just as a sister, but as a best friend too?

Remember the time you had to leave… dammit, I've already started crying! I'm not going to last long at all! But do you remember? Of course you do. I forget you're all vampires sometimes. I forget sometimes that I don't fit in – hopefully not for long. Well anyway, I lost Edward that day that he left. But what was worse was that I had lost my best friend too. I couldn't even talk about it with my best friend. I lost the love of my life, my sister and my best friend. I'm sorry for bringing that up, and I don't want to make you feel bad, I'm just telling you. After all, I don't know how long is left and I'd hate for my time to run out before I was done.

My pregnancy is… strange. But it's a pregnancy! I never wanted children up until I felt my little nudger inside of me, and then I did. Just like that. My baby is a miracle and I love him. I love my baby. I could never abort him like Edward wants to, to save me. If my life if what I have to give to save my baby's, I will.

Alice, you and Edward have the better bond out of all his siblings, you really do. I know how much he loves you, even though you do annoy him sometimes. I need you to promise me, Alice, that you'll look after him… if anything happens. You'll look after him when I can't? Promise me, Alice, please? All I can think about at the moment is about the _last_ time. If I die, what will he do? You have _got _to make him see sense! If my pregnancy goes well, we don't have to worry. If it goes wrong, then I shall die and my baby shall live. Edward has to live for our baby, Alice. You understand? Even if the pregnancy goes badly, and we both die, keep Edward living and 'breathing', please?

I didn't realise until now that this is why I had to write yours first - if I have written down the most important plea of all, then I can write the others with a fairly straight head. Fairly. I don't think anyone writing goodbye notes can be called mentally stable, but when have I ever been?

I'm sorry, Alice, for effectively putting my dying wishes on your shoulders, but I trust you Alice. I always have. I trust you with my life, and more importantly, I trust you with Edward's.

I also want to thank you, Alice. I want to thank you for being everything I needed in you. You gave me a wedding, and I realise now how important that was until now. If I die, I die a married woman with a husband. Thank you for organising everything, and making it so easy for me. You saw how nervous I was and how much I was dreading it. You know attention isn't my thing! It was truly perfect - the lights, the dress, the music, the food. You truly are a wonderful organiser and you know me so well.

And my honeymoon? Well, you definately helped there. I remember thinking 'what the hell has she packed' when I opened up my suitcase - lingerie! It came in handy though! Oh god, I'm blushing and crying! My cheeks are beginning to sting, actually. You obviously knew it came in handy. I came back pregnant for gods sake.

Thank you for helping Charlie and me after the James incident. He appreciated it and so did I. You know he loves you, don't you? Charlie loves you like his second daughter. Look after him too, if things go wrong.

This letter is a terrible goodbye. All I've done is be selfish and asking things of you. But that truly is because I trust you so much, and I know how strong you are. You are such a wonderful person, and when I'm gone, still be as happy as you are now. Dance and sing and love exactly the same as now because you are such a great sister and friend.

The way you laugh, the way you giggle, the way you shout at me, moan at me when I don't dress 'properly' according to you. I love the way you were always on my side instead of Edward's, I love the way that you loved me. I will always remember you. If you ever, and I'm sorry for writing _your_ goodbye for you now, but if you are ever unfortunate enough to stop breathing, I'll be waiting. I'll be saving a space for my sister.

I love you, Alice, forever and always.

_Just in case._

Bella, xx

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_I cried whilst writing this! I had to stop for a minute so I could read the screen again. Oh, how silly of me!_

_Did you like it? Please review! All feedback welcome :)_


	2. Rosalie

_Here is Bella's letter to Rosalie. Please remember Bella thinks her baby is a boy._

_Enjoy:_

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Rosalie,

Thank you, Rosalie! Thank you, thank you, thank you! This letter to you could be completely filled with my thanks to you. You do not know how grateful I am – you gave me a child. You _saved_ my child! How can I ever thank you enough for doing that? I owe you with my life. However, as it works out, I don't have a life anymore. My baby is draining it from me, but I am letting him drink. I love him too much to cut away the source of his strength, even if that source of strength... is me.

This letter… is in case I do not make it. In case the pregnancy ends suddenly, or tragically and I do not survive. I would hate to go without saying my final goodbyes to my family. You are my family, Rose. I hope I've earned that status in your eyes, now, too. I know how protective you are of them all, but I am too. I love them as much as you do, Rose, whether you think so or not. I love you, too, in a way that I think you would agree with and be able to cope with. All I really ever wanted from you was your acceptance, and I hope I finally have it.

We never really saw eye to eye, did we? I guess thats because we both wanted what each other had. That's why I was so hesitant to call you about being pregnant – and here's another thank you that I owe you - because you didn't like me. I was throwing away everything you want, but you_ still_ helped me when I was desperate and I had no one else to turn to, when I had no one else who would understand. That takes a lot of courage and I'll be eternally grateful – whether I'm living, vampire or human, or dead. Do you understand what you did for me? I hope you do; words cannot describe how lucky I am to have you stand by me through all of this.

Did you know that I was jealous of you at first, Rose, just like you were of me. I was jealous that you had originally been for Edward, and that you had the beauty that could attract him. You are so beautiful, Rosalie, but of course you know what, don't you? You had a place in the family that I wanted to be in. Well, hopefully, if all goes well, I will finally be like you. I will finally fit into your family.

Of course, that's only if it all goes well. I hope so, I really do. Of course I do! I want to see my baby grow, I want to see through vampire eyes and hear with vampire ears, and I want to live forever with my beautiful Edward. But, as you know, I'm writing this letter. I have my doubts. I know that there's a chance that all I will ever see is for human eyes, and I will never fully smell the scent of Edward.

You are very protective over me, Rosalie. I like that, and I'll thank you again and again because of it. It took me a long time to persuade you to let me write these. I don't know what you thought I would do in my time alone! It's not as if you wouldn't hear my heart falter, or my bones break. I guess we could work backwards too – it's not as if you won't hear me cry as I write my feelings in ink, as I say goodbye to my family. But I'm enjoying the privacy. It feels good after being monitored so closely for so long.

Rosalie, I'd like to ask you something. I know what the answer is before I even write it, but I want you to know what will happen if I am not there to say them aloud. Edward is not allowing me to say goodbyes, but I feel them necessary.

Rosalie, you have saved my little boy once. My little nudger inside of me. Rosalie, if I am not here to look after him, will you be? Will you help Edward raise my baby? I know you love him already, and I know Edward will need the encouragement if I do not make it. Don't hate Edward because of it, please don't. He loves me so much, and I know that. That is the only reason he wants our baby gone is so I am safe. I don't hate him for it, so please don't either. If all goes badly, he needs as much love and affection as possible.

There's something I've always wanted to say to you, Rose, something I haven't really been able to before, but you would have been a great mom. You are a great sister, and I know Carlisle and Esme think you are a wonderful daughter. Just like you want me to stay human, I want you to enjoy being a vampire. Enjoy your long, happy life with Emmett. He makes you very happy, so don't dwell on what you're missing out on, please. Instead, think of how much you've gained.

All my love, Rosalie, and thank you.

Just in case.

Bella, xx

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_It was a little difficult writing Bella's letter to Rosalie. There's only so much she could say, or feel comfortable saying. However, I hope you enjoyed it. _

_Please review. All feedback is welcome :)_

_Thanks for reading x_


	3. Emmett

_Authors Note: Emmett's letter was particularly hard to write, as he is so full of jokes etc. However, I hope you enjoy it. It may provide some light relief as its more humourous than the rest. Than the rest, I said. Don't expect to be failling of your chairs with laughter! That's definately not going to happen! _

_Enjoy:_

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Emmett,

Well Emmett! I bet this is the most serious letter you've ever received. But I couldn't miss you out, could I? I couldn't ignore my big brother!

You have made my life so easy, Emmett, so easy. No matter how annoying and ridiculous you can be with your silly jokes, and innuendos, you always manage to make me feel wanted, and always manage to make me smile. Blush, of course, and smile. I hate it when you do that! It's even more embarassing than what you say, when my cheeks flush! It's another reminded I'm human too, but that's not your fault.

You really are a big brother, Emmett. Being your little sister has been such a great experience, and I hope I can carry that on even further. I want to be your little sister forever. I hope I can watch my son_, your nephew_, kick your ass at baseball. What I'm looking forward to most is being strong. Edward told me when I'm changed I'll have to arm wrestle you or something just to see who wins! I can't wait for that. I can't wait for you to make a joke, and I can actually tackle you to the ground, and _not_ blush! Aww, am I stealing all your fun? How I wish I don't blush anymore! It would be so much easier to contain my embarassment...

That's all _ifs _and _buts _now though. You know why I'm writing this? I'm pregnant - that's a miracle in its own right, but I am. I don't think I'll make it, personally. Edward says I will, but he's living in his own little world of denial... I've given everything to my baby. Everything. And I'm willing to give more. I'm willing to give my life.

I need to ask you something Emmett. Of all the letter's I've written so far, I've asked something of my family. Can you believe that? Bella asked for something? Ha-ha! Think of it as a present that you've always been so desperate to give me, finally. Or treat it as a baby shower gift... I'm sure Alice will be thrilled with that idea.

Look after Edward, please? Alice is going to as well, she's a pretty powerful vampire, you know? (You should really give her more credit that you do! Small, but incredibly manipulative!) I need you to look after him too. You're strong and you're male. Maybe Edward will listen to you – his awesome brother. If things go badly, that is. I'm praying they won't, but this letter is based on the hyperthetical - just in case.

I've got to thank you! I've put you through so much, and your family, by barging in and altering so much of your family. I'm sorry about that too. All I seem to have done since being with Edward is cause the Cullens grief! First James, then you all had to leave, and then Victoria and the newborn attack. Thank you for all of that. You didn't have to defend me, you could have left me. You could have thought I was not worth the effort or the hassle. But you did. It means a lot, and I'll never forget it, whether I'm living or dead. There's no way that I'll be willing to forget my life with you guys.

I'm counting on you, Emmett! Oi! Hey, carry on reading! The football score will still be there when I'm finished, okay? Emmett?! I'm counting on you to keep the family all cheered up. I'm not as self-loathing as I used to be; I don't think you're all going jump for joy if I die. I know you'll miss me. At least I hope so. So I need you to keep cracking your jokes, make them laugh... and mention my name. Does that sound absurd to be asking for something like that? To mention my name? I mean it, you know.

When Edward left, the thing that I hated hearing most was his name. It brought back all the memories, and the pain was fresh every time I heard it. It's still a touchy subject for me, even now. But I don't want my baby growing up with the name 'Mommy' or 'Bella' spoken in whispers because he is scared of how daddy will react, how the family will be torn every time my name is spoken. I know you won't forget! That's impossible with you guys! But make sure my name can be said in conversation, okay?

You want an example? "Remember that time Bella fell over?" or "God, that's something Bella used to say." or even "Bella was so annoying when she did that!" Casual things, simple things – things that don't cause tears. Things that make people laugh when my habits slipped there mind, just for a minute. Please? I'm asking you this because it's important to me, and I know you'll pull it off perfectly. You always do.

Hugs and blushes for my big brother.

Just in case.

Bella, xx

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_You like? Can I ask you one question before I go? Review? It will make my day, and make me smile! All feedback is welcome; I encourage criticism :)_

_Thanks for reading x_


	4. Jasper

_Now it's Jaspers turn. I hope you like it:_

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Jasper,

We don't know each other that well really, Jasper, do we? I hope there is time where I can get to know you better; time where we can talk and have my blood not bother you. I'm sorry I'm so… tempting, and I am painful to be around. I really am. As you know, I've wanted to change that for a long time - although, now, I'm so glad Edward made me wait. Now I am pregnant and it is beyond all my imaginations.

But that might mean I'm not here for much longer, Jasper. I don't know how that will affect you, to be honest. I like to think I've made a change in your life, that you see me as a sister, but the truth does remain we were never very close.

I had to write you this letter. How could I not? You are my family. I do love you like a brother, despite the difficulties that have been presented to us.

Jasper, I'd like to ask you something, if you'd please _try_ to oblige. I understand this may be difficult. In fact, this may be the hardest thing for _you_ to do. Originally, I was going to ask you to care for Alice because I know she loves me and if I do not make it, she will be devastated - but of course you already do that completely! No, what I'm asking will probably be harder than that… for you anyway. Jasper - stop blaming yourself.

You wondering what the hell I'm on about, I bet. I never did make sense. What I'm saying, Jasper, is that I've seen how you react whenever that difficult time is mentioned – the time that Edward left me. Jasper – listen to me, okay?

It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. Do you understand?

Edward was so stupid at that time, and I'll say it again and again! He thought that vampires were dangerous for me, but as you know, I attract danger. Anything that has the chance to kill me _will _find me. I don't blame you for what happened. It is only your nature, and I hope that it becomes mine one day too. When my baby is born, I hope to be a vampire. Is that strange? To want to become a vampire, who has such a thirst for human blood? For some, maybe. But for me, no, of course not! I love Edward so much, and I want to be with my family,_ your_ family. How can I blame you for something that I will probably do? I expect to be attracted to human blood – and I hope you'll teach me how to control myself, if I survive this birth, that is. You've always done it so well. Always.

I don't know whether you think about this, whether you blame yourself for the time when James found me in the ballet studio. It never really came to my attention before, but I find as I'm writing this letter, I'm thinking about the times I've spent with you. It amazes me how little we actually had together. But just like when Edward left, do not blame yourself about letting me slip pass you. I'm pleased you did. The truth is that I would have resented you if you had stopped me – at the time, I needed to save my mother. At the time, that was the only thing that mattered.

I was wondering if I could request something else – is that being too greedy? If… if the worst _does _happen, and I die, I expect the emotions around here to be pretty rough. Could you keep them calm? Could you keep Edward in a suitable mind, and as relaxed as possible please - sedate him (in a vampire way if thats possible) until he sees sense. Don't worry, you're not the one who I've asked to do that. Poor Alice and Emmett have their work cut out for them!

One last thing, Jasper, before I go. Thank you. You have saved me on countless times, first with James, and secondly with Victoria and the newborns. Not only did you personally fight, but you trained everyone else with your experience, and for that I thank you. You did it for my safety, and your families. Of course, I was the reason they were in danger in the first place, but you did not complain once! No matter how tough things got, how close to the end our lives seemed to be, you did not complain. That's such a wonderful trait to have Jasper, and that's because you are so wonderful, Jasper. You are too busy wallowing in self-hatred and blaming yourself to see the bigger picture, to see that you are the innocent party in all of this.

You have done everything in your power to protect those close to you, and make them happy. You changed your entire lifestyle for your family, and I'm proud of you; you continuously keep a clean slate for the sake of you family, for the sake of those innocent lives.

I wish you ever-lasting happiness, Jasper.

Just in case

Bella, xx

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_I struggled a little with Jasper's letter and I was scared it was going to be a short one because of how little time Bella spent with Jasper. However, it turned out a quite reasonable length that I'm quite proud of. I hope you thought that Bella's letter was good for Jasper - the things she asked for. It seemed appropriate as Jasper is very self-blaming, much like Bella in some respects._

_Please remember this is all 'just in case'. _

_Oh, and please review! I know a lot of people have read this story, and your reviews are appreciated very much - I will reply to every one, promise :) All feedback is welcome; I encourage criticism._

_Thanks for reading x_


	5. Carlisle

_Next is Carlisles: I found it sad to write a letter to Carlisle, my reasons stated below in Bella's letter to him. I hope you agree with what's been written._

_I'd just like to thanks Thats-So-Alex because she's always reviewing and messaging me with encouragement and support. Thank you for all of the other reviewers too - I appreciated them so much!!_

_Enjoy:_

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Carlisle,

What can I say to you, Carlisle? You are a father to me, you really are. I see you in the most god-like way; I look up to you, admire you, and I so wish that I could be a proper part of your family in the way that I want to be. I hope my birth goes well so that I can become like you, spend my years with Edward and my child that I love so dearly.

I owe you a lot, Carlisle. I owe you for my Edward, my safety, my happiness. I don't know how I can express all of my feelings in this letter – I hope there is time after the birth of my child, but I don't think that will happen. I don't blame you, Carlisle, if I happen to… slip away during my delivery. I am lucky enough to know you, and I know you will do everything you can to help deliver my baby safely and keep me healthy, as will Edward. Somehow, I just don't think that will be enough.

If I die and my baby survives, I want to thank you. Like always, you listened to me and took into account _my_ feelings towards my little nudger. You listened to me, and unlike Edward who at the moment wants to rip my baby out of me, you gave me a choice and allowed me to make my own decisions. How can I thank you for that? If all goes well, I will make it up to you. I will thank you in the best way I find possible. If not, however, you will be reading this and that is, unfortunately, the best I can do. Like always, my attempts are kind of pathetic, but that's what you get for having a human daughter-in-law.

You really are the glue that holds this family together, Carlisle, do you know that already? Edward stays away from human blood because he wants to make you proud, Alice and Jasper _came _to find you, and you provided Rosalie with a life that, although she doesn't admit it often, she does love. This life brought her to Emmett, who you also gave her. And then there's me. You gave me a voice, when Edward was stubborn; you gave me a choice, when I felt I had none. You gave me advice and safety and a loving home that I knew I could always come to.

Do you know how amazing you are Carlisle? You took four hurting, dying people, Edward, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, and gave them a second chance. You gave another two, Alice and Jasper, a home and a family that they desperately craved. You provide something hard to fall back on, like with Jasper for instance. Always, you offer him comfort and determination so that he knows he can resist the blood, just like you.

I hope that _if _I become a vampire, I become one like you, someone who has changed so many lives, and continues to do so. So far, I cannot imagine the physical pain you had to go through to save all those lives in the hospital, and the lives you saved simply by _not _drinking.

I want to be a part of your family so much, Carlisle. What I'd like most is to live forever in the confines of your family. As an outsider, I saw the connection that holds all of you together and I want to be a part of that. Now I'm married to Edward, I feel I am getting closer inside, but I can never fully be so until my blood stops creating barriers for everyone.

Can I ask something of you? I am asking something of everyone, and even_ I_ know it's out of character for me. You can blame it on the pregnancy hormones – the pregnancy that none of us thought possible.

When I'm gone, if I go that is, I'd like you to keep the family together… Before, when Edward left me, the family was torn. Alice told me that you and Esme were in one place, Edward in another, Rosalie and Emmett somewhere else. I'd really like my baby to grow up in a stable loving family, and for that to happen, Edward will need you around him if he's going to manage. I know he will hate our baby, he hates my little nudger now, and I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like afterwards, if I die whilst giving birth.

So will you? Will you do what you do best – be there and keep them together? I have a feeling we may need more that ordinary glue, more like super glue, if I go.

Thank you Carlisle, for everything. For the chance to be in your family.

You welcomed me with open arms because I made Edward so happy, but in doing so, did you realise how happy you made me? I had been accepted into a family that had years of history that I had never known, and had so many secrets that you each protected with your life. And then you protected _me _with your life! In all those times that I endangered your family, you kept on going, kept on protecting. Thank you.

The Cullen family is _your _family, Carlisle, because you are the founder of it. I thank you for letting me into it, letting me slip past the bonds that you'd tied to keep you all together. I thank you, because it has been a true honour to be a Cullen. If I die, and I hope I will not, but _if _I do, then I will die the happiest woman alive.

I will have died a Cullen, wife to the most wonderful man alive, mother to a child, and part of a family that is so considerate and generous to everyone. All of that is because of you and your support, your beliefs and your strength.

My eternal thanks and love to you, Carlisle, my father.

_Just in case_

Bella, xx

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_What did you think? Did you cry? I did!_

_Please review with all your thoughts, comments, criticism :) I'd really love to hear what you think!_

_Thanks for reading xx_


	6. Esme

_Esme's letter also made me cry, so beware! Not as much as Alice's or Carlisle's, but I still had a few tears. I was trying to ask something of everyone in these letters, but Esme's proved difficult. However, I did try and here it is._

_Enjoy:_

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Esme,

Mom. You are a mom in so many ways – in fact, you provide a second mother, who I love just as dearly, just as much, because you are a mother to each and every one of your children. Do you think of me as one of your children? I certainly hope so, Esme, because you are the most wonderful parent for me to have. Some people don't even get a single loving parent – I have four; my own parents, and then my surrogate parents. I love you all equally. How lucky am I?

Very lucky. I know that you would give your life to protect each and every one of your children – that is why you understand, I'm guessing.

I am totally and completely amazed by all of this; I am pregnant, and even Carlisle did not think that possible. We're talking about the most superb doctor here and Alice too! I managed to sneak past them all, and here I am. Pregnant, and most probably dying.

You understand though, Esme, right? I'm sorry to bring this up in my letter of goodbye, because that's what it is. If you read this, then I will be dead. Hopefully my little nudger, my little Edward Jacob, will have survived. That's why I'm doing this, I'm doing this all for him. I cannot even imagine the death of him – I'm crying whilst writing this. Not for my own death, which I feel will be soon despite Edward's promises, but for my baby.

When your own son died, Esme, you took your own life. Magically, you are here today to love and be loved this family you have helped create around you. I know how you feel now – substitutes will never truly fill the space of your own child. Don't get me wrong, Esme, I'm not saying that you don't love each and every one of your children, because I know you do. But there's still… a hole, a gap, a… _something _that will never be filled, that will always remain empty because your own child has gone.

Somehow, I am so lucky to have everything, something I don't deserve, but I have it all the same. I had the chance to have a baby with the man that I love so so much. So, do you see why I am willing to give my own life to provide a life for my baby? You understand, surely, as you have been there? I know you would have jumped off that cliff _to save_ your son's life, so that is exactly what I'm doing. I'm jumping off that cliff. Selfishly or not, I hope I have my Edward, just like your Carlisle, to save me at the bottom. If not, however, I will know that I did it to save my child's life.

Esme, you amaze me, much like all the other Cullens, but you are so loving towards everyone. I expected it to end, if I'm honest, like I have to be now – there isn't time for lies. By the time you got around to loving me, I expected someone to say '_I'm sorry – she's all out of love'_. But you did not. You opened your heart once more, and allowed me to walk in, or stumble in for a better word, and enclose me in your powerful loving bonds. Thank you.

Thank you so much for being there. For helping me, protecting me, loving me, simply being there and promising to always care. It alls comes back down to luck – which is another reason I think I am not going to make it.

I am lucky enough to have Edward, you as a mother, Carlisle as a father, and the rest of my siblings for exactly that. I am lucky enough to be pregnant, to have a marriage and a family who loves me. I am lucky enough to be living and breathing, to feel _this… _happy! So when does it all run out? Sorry, a very pessimist moment here, but I need to write it all down, just in case. I want you to know how thankful I am to you, and how much I love you all. This is all just in case by luck runs out.

I think I can understand how difficult it was for you to stand against Carlisle and Edward when I first discovered I was pregnant. It's difficult for me, too, now, to stand against Edward, to hear him talk about how he wants to take this _thing _out of me. But I can't give in, I can't let go, not until the very end when there is nothing else to give. So I thank you for supporting me, I really do, because I needed your help, Esme. How can I thank you?

Maybe we can meet me half way? I thank you, and in return I give you a healthy grandchild? Is that enough? Because, truly, there is nothing else I have. Time, maybe, but I'm not even sure I have that.

Would you care for my grandchild, please, Esme? I've asked Rosalie also because she's also helped me so much and I know of her desire to have a child. But Rosalie is Rosalie, and sometimes she can be a little… hostile? Could you be there with your mothering instincts, and your loving, caring, nature, to even things out?

I trust you, Esme, with my baby's life. My baby's life is my own, and Edward's together, and I trust you. You do not know how fully you have influenced my life, and all of that is because of your wonderful loving self.

My love for you, always, Esme. I trust you.

_Just in case_

Bella, xx

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_What did you think? Reviews please!! All feedback welcome :__

_I think I'll either do Jake or Charlie next, which one would you prefer first??_

_Thanks for reading x_


	7. Jacob

_I asked you all in the last chapter, Charlie or Jake. Everyone said Jake! So here he is! I didn't cry as much for this one, but that's because Jake annoys me a little bit. It's still a very emotional letter, because Bella's trying to put her feelings for him in words. A very hard task, I must say!_

_Remember that Bella thinks her baby is a boy. Jake has visited whilst Bella is pregnant, but Edward can not hear the baby's thoughts yet. Jake has not imprinted. _

_I hope you enjoy:_

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Jacob,

Darling, Jake. This letter is one of the hardest letters that I've had to write, and I'm struggling already. There's so much I want to say, so much I _need_ to say, but I don't know how! I don't know how I can write down all my feelings, all my thoughts to you. But I have to, just in case my pregnancy ends badly and I end up… going.

I love you, Jake, I really do. So much – you know that, don't you? You should! I try to tell you, I tried to tell you to stay away from me too! I know I'm selfish, I know I shouldn't want you around because of how unfair it is for you, but I do. And you stayed. For me.

Jake, you know what happened on the honeymoon. Obviously – I'm pregnant. Pregnancy was never a part of my plan, but it happened and I'm so happy, even though my little nudger is draining the life out of me. But you can't blame Edward for that, Jacob; you just can't! It was my fault and it was all my doing! Edward wanted to wait… wait until I was a vampire, like him, but I didn't want to be changed… a virgin. My god, Jake, you made me say it! I'm cringing now, and crying too. I was the one who begged for him to take it whilst I was human, so I could feel it likes humans do, and he did. He did it carefully, so I was safe. That's what you were scared about, wasn't it? My safety. But he did it because I asked him too. Surely, if (sorry Jake for saying this) but if I'd asked you, you would have too. Because you love me.

I'm ever so sorry, Jake, for causing you so much pain. But I couldn't have lived happily with you as my husband. I love you so much, but it's just… not enough. I'm sorry. I bet this letter is killing you to read as much as it's killing me to write it. Every tear that falls from my cheeks is a reminder I'm human, a reminded that I can die, a reminder that all I do is cause pain to everyone around me.

You came to see me, Jake. How can I thank you enough? I know you hate Edward, and the little nudger inside of me. For once, I think you and Edward agree on something – my baby should be taken out of me, that it is a monster! But its not! It's a baby, _my_ baby!

Don't hate him, Jake. I think it's a he and do you know what name I've decided on if it's a boy? Edward Jacob. So my best man can live on as a part of me even if he decides he can't stand to be around me anymore.

I've got so much left to say to you, and I don't know how. I'll go in steps, how's that?

On my wedding day, you came. You were late, but you came. I saw your face, I felt your heat, and… I felt complete. My wedding day was full. I know you wanted to be my husband, but it wasn't right. I love you, I really do, but you'll always be my best friend instead of my lover… I'm so sorry, Jake. I'm trying my best to make this easier for you, but I can't. I can't lie, or dress things up, not now. Not with the amount of time I have left.

You were there at the time I needed you the most. Edward left me but you were there with your brick like body, holding me in place. Edward only left for my sake and I loved him still, and I know you don't understand how I can do it. But imagine my heart Jake. Before, it was all for Edward, every last piece. But then Edward left. He broke my heart into pieces, into crumbs. You came along, Jacob, and you fixed me. You used a magic sewing kit and stitched me back up. Are you imagining this? Your thread linked my heart back together, but the thread didn't dissolve like it should. Edward came back and made my mended heard beat again. But the thread is still there. Edward has my heart, but you have your own place there too. You hold it all together, you make it all complete. Does that make sense? I'm trying to write it as best as I can, in a way you can understand.

And then you risk your life to save me. You dragged in your pack to take care of me, save me from Victoria and the new born's. You stupid man, Jake! You went and got yourself crushed, didn't you!? You said, before you went, that you'd take yourself out of the picture for me and Edward! Imagine how I felt when Edward told me someone had wrapped their arms around you, crushing your ribs! Nothing else mattered, all I cared about was that my Jake was safe, my Jake was alive. I wanted to tell you I loved you, because I do, Jake. I think I always have, deep down.

But you need to find someone else you loves you unconditionally. If I live, and it will be a miracle if I do, then you need to find your soul mate, Jake because I will be turned to a vampire, to live with my husband, to live with my child. And you need to find your soul mate. You said it was becoming more common, imprinting – find the girl who is lucky enough to have you as her imprinter, lucky enough to be loved by such a caring, wonderful wolf. My wolf.

And if I die? You need to do the same. Don't waste the energy you have, the anger you have, don't waste it on hating Edward and my baby. All Edward's ever done is love me, just like you. Find your soul mate, but remember me. Love me as a sister. Love me as you should. Love me in a way that allows you to get on with your life.

Remember when we talked about age? We had our age game when Edward left, and you told me that you'd serve me forever. Well, I release you. I'm letting you go, Jake, to go and be happy and to find the happiness that you deserve. Find the person who can love you back the way you love then. Find an equal relationship so you can be treasured in a way you deserve, in a way I never properly could.

You will always be my best man, Jake, and always have a place in my heart.

_Just in case,_

Bella, xx

* * *

_Well, what did you think? Please review with your thoughts and comments! I really appreciate them all!_

_So Charlie is next, is that okay with everyone? Or would you prefer Renee first?_

_Don't forget to review :)_

_Thanks for reading x_


	8. Charlie

_I thought writing Alice's letter was bad, and then when I wrote Jake's, I found it tough again. But now I've written Charlie's I'm even more scared about writing Edward's! His will be at the end, with only a few more chapters to go. _

_I'd like to thank you all for your feedback/favourites/alerts etc - it's all very much appreciated!_

_So get the tissues ready, and enjoy:_

* * *

Dad,

I love you; I'll start with that because it seems a good place to begin. I'm ill, you know that, right? Carlisle told me that he informed you all about it, so here I am, telling you myself. I don't want you to be worried about me, scared that my last days alive were spent in pain because they weren't. So far, all I know is it's a painless but very dangerous disease. Don't worry, Dad, I'm fine, for now.

Carlisle is trying his best to look after me, just like Edward and the rest of the family. It's very lucky that I now have a doctor for a father-in-law, especially for a person as clumsy as me. I'm writing this, dad, because I'm ill and I don't think there's much time left before I go. Edward won't let me say goodbyes, but I can't die without saying my goodbyes to you, dad. Rosalie is letting me write this letter, in secret, in private, so I assure you no one is listening in. This is between you and me; Rosalie is supposed to be helping me wash my hair…

There's so much I need to say to you, but there's only so much that I _can_ actually say. There's only so much time... I don't know where to begin.

I love you, dad, so much. I wish we had more time.

Thank you, dad, for being my father, for loving me, caring for me, offering me a home.

I'm so happy that I came to live in Forks with you – at first, it was because of Renée and Phil, but after I'd settled in, I felt like I'd made my own home with you. It was awkward at first, and I regretted it. I blamed myself a little bit because I thought I should have visited more, but school and Renée stopped me from doing that. I missed out on a lot of time that I could have spent with you, but I hope I made up for it. I hope you feel you've got a daughter now.

I need to thank you for so many things. You really did look after me through the hardest time in my life. When Edward left, I felt like my world was crashing down. I felt like I'd died, like the only way was further and deeper into the ground. I bet you don't want to hear about this, I know it was as difficult for you as it was for me, watching your daughter suffer like I did. But when I fell, you helped me up in such a sturdy way, you were great. I didn't fully appreciate it at the time – I thought you were nagging me, annoying me and all I wanted you to do was be quiet because I felt so awful. But you didn't give up. I gave you all the crap that I could, I tried with the minimal effort, but your support didn't falter. You tried your best. And it worked. You did it, you fixed me, and you picked me back up. Not many dad's are able to do that, able to do it in such a way that you left their daughters feeling closer to them.

I'm sorry, dad, for the hurtful things that I've said to you. There was a time, when I'd fallen out with Edward the first time, and I left… I ran away and I said such horrible things that I hated myself for. I still hate myself for saying things like that! You should understand that the pain you felt only mirrored mine – I was aching just as much, if not worse for causing it all.

I'm sorry for when I left without saying goodbye too, the time when I had to help Edward out of trouble in Los Angeles. When I came back, I saw how worried you were and even then, I only say it when it had been diluted with relief of my safe return. It wasn't fair on you.

And about Edward – you played the perfect father role. You offered me support with advice, you really tried your best to be a good father and you were. It was… awkward, when you tried to talk to me… about… pregnancy, and… sex. I was just as embarrassed as you, but I appreciated it, dad. All you did was care about was me; my safety, my happiness, my well-being. You have done such a great job being my dad in the time I needed you the most. I always assumed a mother would be the best parent to have around when I had a boyfriend, that she wouldn't be _too_ protective, or careful, or annoying, but you proved me wrong. You could have done nothing to make the whole thing better.

I know you think I married young, dad. At first, so did I. But why should I have put it off? One thing you should know, if you don't already, is how much I love Edward. I love him with all my heart, and I'll love him for the rest of my life. Ironically, that may not be long. If I do… die, then I'll die a happy woman. I had the chance to be a wife. I had the chance for my father to walk me down the isle.

You gave me away to the most wonderful of men. Both you and Edward share the interests of my well-being, and he would do nothing to harm me, you know that don't you? You should.

I know you didn't really like him at first, because, well, he was my boyfriend. Its principal for a father to hate his daughter's boyfriend, but you suppressed it for _my_ sake. That's another reason that I love you, and another reason why I should thank you!

I'd like to ask something of you, dad, just in case things don't go well, and it ends up… badly. I want you to look after yourself, to get yourself some cooking lessons, or some cook books, or… something. You need to get out of that diner if you're going to keep a healthy heart! I want you to talk to Renée on the phone too, discuss things with her, because I know you'll be lonely if I go. You need to remember the love that you both shared at one point, because I'll no longer be around to be evidence of that.

I'd also like you to talk to Edward; you need to keep him going, because although you aren't keen on him, if I go, things will be hard for him. Things will be _more_ than hard on him, and I worry about things if I go. He's very… open about his feelings if I die, and I wonder if he'll try… try and join me wherever I end up. Maybe, I'm hoping, that if he knows you need him, need to keep in touch with someone who loved me, someone who was a part of me, I'm hoping he'll stick around.

Dad, you know I'm happy, don't you? It's strange, really, because I'm almost certain that I'm not going to make it, but I'm so happy! My life really has turned out to be something that I love. I found my dad again, and I found the love of my existence. It was all because of you, really.

Not only did you give me the love that every daughter should get from a father, you gave me so much more. You tried your hardest, dad, to make things work. I appreciate it, I do so much! How much more can I write?

Do you remember, once, dad, when I came to visit and you struggled to keep up with me? I was some kind of bouncy little girl who was trying to grow up too quickly, not helped by the fact that Renée was a bit…scatterbrained at times. Well, I loved coming to visit you because, although it was awkward, I was me. Forks wasn't a dress up place, where you lied about who you were, like back in the city. I came to you, and I was simply me. I was Bella, and you were my dad.

I don't know whether I'm pleased or not that my goodbye comes in the form of a letter. On one hand, it means that I don't get to say it in person; I don't get to have a final hug, or a final kiss and a final conversation to really convince you I'm okay with this. On the other hand, there is no way that I could have said _this _much in person. For every word that I write, ten tears fall, each of them stinging my eyes, blotching my cheeks, burning my throat. So, really, you got the best goodbye you could. You not only got more, but you get to keep it. You can look at it when you feel guilty you were not there to say _your _goodbye. You can look at it if you ever begin to feel your forgetting me, or memories of me are drifting away. You can look at it when you miss me most, and I hope this letter is some form of a substitute for a daughter. I think I realise, now, that it won't even come close.

One thing I know for sure, dad, is you would risk your life for me. You would swap your own life for me, to give me the chance to live. I know that. But it's not possible. So when I'm gone, don't waste your life. Don't let my death kill two.

For when I'm gone, or if you forget, dad; I'll always love you, and I'll always be grateful for everything you've done for me.

_Just in case_

Bella, xx

* * *

_Cry much? Maybe it's just me! I really liked writing this. I could really be emotional, but it's particularly hard because Charlie doesn't know about all the supernatural. I did contemplate whether to put in about vampires, or Bella's pregnancy, but I thought it would be extremely mean/selfish of Bella. She would be writing this goodbye letter leaving so many questions un-answered that Charlie wouldn't know the answer to. Instead, I left it safe, emotional, and totally human with the lie Carlisle told him._

_Please review!! Your thoughts are always helpful to me, and make me smile! I need some smiles after writing this! Haha._

_Thanks for reading x_


	9. Renee

_I tried my best not to babble on this letter - short and sweet. Renee's was a suprisingly hard letter to write, and I think that's because we see the least of her out of all the main characters in the books. However, I tried my best, and please don't hesitate to let me know if there should be any changes._

_Enjoy:_

* * *

Mom,

I don't know how much you know about my illness or how much both Charlie and Carlisle have told you. I am ill, and despite Carlisle's attempts and Edward's promises, I don't think I'm going to make it. There's only so much buttering up I can do, but when it all comes down to it, I think I'm going to die.

I bet you're a little annoyed, really, because we've hardly seen each other for so long and my phone calls get less and less frequent. There's a simple answer, and I know you'll agree: I fell in love. I understand that will never really make up for it, but it's an explanation you've got to accept. I guess it was hard to let me go, but in a way, it makes _this _separation easier. There is a small distance, now, between us, so when I go, you won't hit the floor as hard.

Do you remember, Mom, when Edward and I came to visit you last year? Edwards's parents, Esme and Carlisle, had bought me the tickets as a birthday present before he left and I'd never accepted such a present so thankfully. It was just so great to spend some time with you! And it was great to get some heat at last, after spending so much time in cold, rainy Forks. _And_ you got to meet Edward properly.

I always wondered what you thought of him, whether you liked him, whether you thought I deserved such a gentleman, and basically your opinion of him. I find it hard to think you _wouldn't _like him because I do. We've always been very alike, Mom, and I'm so pleased that you brought me up the way you did. You always tried your best.

About you and Phil; I don't know why but I think you always assumed me moving to Forks was _because _of Phil, it wasn't really. I liked him enough, and I got on well with him. I didn't move because of Phil, I moved _for _you. You deserved to find love, like every one does. Being a mother really shouldn't take away that right. I saw the way you looked at him, pure love, and I finally see it in my own eyes. I didn't want to stand in the way of that - it wouldn't have been fair.

I think you know me very well (just as well as Charlie and Edward) so you know what foods I don't like, what things make me cry, when I'm lying.

Then you should know that I'm not lying now when I tell you I'm happy. I'm in love. And if I die, then I'll be dying a happy woman.

I need to ask you something, okay? Maybe, if you want to, you could share this letter with Phil, because he might have to help you! We all know how you can be. Do you remember when you were travelling back from your teaching course when I was ten? You left your suitcase in the trunk of the cab! We spent ages trying to locate it, you were so embarrassed!

Anyway, Mom, I need you to look after yourself. You know me, right? Well, I know you. I need you to try and keep things in some kind of order, remember to put the trash out in a morning and turn the tap off instead of letting the bath water run over. We both know you're capable of forgetting! And mainly, Mom, be happy. You found the love of your life now, and its unfortunate that it's not Charlie, but not the end of the world! I love you both, and that doesn't change because you're not together. So live your life fully with Phil, and do all the wacky things you did before… but safely! Please!? I don't want any visitors for a very long time if I go!

Is it every mother's dream to see their daughters get married? I don't know, especially with a mother like you! I was so scared to tell you Edward and me were engaged because I knew how against young marriages you were! Charlie was furious when he found out you gave into me so easily – I think he was hoping on you being the one to be hard on me. You gave me those beautiful hair clips that must have cost a bomb, and I felt so guilty accepting them.

I love you, Mom, forever and ever. You're like me in a lot of way, but unlike me in others. You don't embarrass quite as easily as me, nor do I forget as much as you. But we share something that every mother and daughter should share, if not something stronger. You were always more than a mother to me, Mom, you were my friend as well which is always something I valued – a Mom and a best friend all in one? Sounds like something of a commercial! Give my love to Phil, he's been great too, but keep most of my love for you.

Live your life as if I were here, Mom, as if nothing has changed.

_Just in case_

Bella, xx

* * *

_I really hope you liked it, and as I said, it was quite difficult. I hope I included a good mixture of the past and the future, amongst the present too. I wanted Bella to remember some of the funny times with her Mom._

_I would really really appreciate reviews on this! Especially being as Edward's letter is extremely close! You want to read his letter, don't you? I won't be so sure if you don't review :P  
Sorry for being evil! I just know this story is getting a lot of hits, and not many reviews. They would be very much appreciated :) _

_Thanks for reading! x_


	10. My Little Nudger

_I'd like to thank Thats-So-Alex who Beta'd this letter for me. She provided me with some very useful tips and edited it perfectly. She is great!_

_Did any of you expect Bella to write a letter to her baby? Any of you think this was coming? I tried to keep it a secret, thinking you wouldn't realise that there was another one to go before Edward's letter. So here it is. Bella's letter to the child she may never meet, but loves all the same. Tissues? Get them ready!_

* * *

My Little Nudger,

Is it strange to you that I'm writing this letter to you without ever meeting you? I don't even know if you are a boy or a girl, yet I love you more than my own life. It sounds irrational, and probably silly, but you are a part of me, and I'll give everything to you.

My darling baby, you are my life. Words cannot describe how much I love you, how much my heart aches when I think that there's a possibility that I'll never watch you take your first step, speak your first word, watch you grow, teach you to do the simple things like tie your shoe laces, or how to read. I'd love to see you after your first day of school, or when you bring home a friend and introduce me as your mom, or when you go to prom. I'm sorry that I might not be there. Remember, this is just in case.

When I think of you, I imagine a little pink, yet pale face, large green eyes like your daddy's used to be and bronze hair like his as well. I hope they'll be some of me in you too, but not too much. Your daddy is so handsome and beautiful - am I embarrassing you? Ha-ha, maybe so, but you need to know! Your daddy and I are madly in love, so there's no need to worry about us getting divorced, like I had to.

Daddy and I have had some really good times; there was the time when he held me hostage and I pretended I was on a shopping trip with Alice so I could sleep over. There was a time when I just fell asleep listening to him sing to me, and the time when my father used to kick Daddy out of my room, for him to only climb in through the window minutes later. Don't go getting any ideas though! I'm still your mom!

I bet you'll be quite old when you read this, because, well, you need to be able to read this, won't you? Maybe Auntie Rosalie will read it to you… but you'll still need to be old enough to handle the situation, although I hope you know about me before hand.

I'm your mommy, you mom, your mother. You can pick which one you prefer, but I'm writing this whilst you're in my womb, so I think I prefer Mommy. For now.

I'm going to tell you about me. Is that too vain of me? But I so desperately want you to know me, as much as I want to know you! I want you to feel that you can always talk to me, because if I don't make it through all of this, I'll be wherever you are, and I'll always listen to you. I'll always be there, even if you can't see me.

I'm your Mommy; Bella Marie Cullen. I actually don't know whether there's any pictures of me about – I always tried not to have my picture taken. I always looked so inferior next to Daddy. But I've got dark, brown wavy hair, and my eyes are a chocolate brown. I'm quite small and thin. I'm always blushing, and I'm always tripping over because I'm so clumsy. I love books and reading, and music too. There's just something about both of them that transports you to another world. Maybe you'll share my love for both.

Baby, I love you and Daddy very much. I used to live with my Mom, your grandmother, but then I moved to Forks to live with my dad. I'm hoping you know Grandpa Charlie, but you might not… it all depends how timing and ages and all the complicated stuff that Grandpa Carlisle needs to sort out. This is where I met Daddy, and we fell in love.

You'll learn all about love at some point; it's the most powerful thing in the world and it creeps up on you so unexpectedly. It comes in different kinds too; how I love Daddy, and how I love you - both are an immeasurable kind.

When Daddy and I first fell in love, it was difficult because Daddy was a vampire but I was a human. There was a lot of trouble, misunderstandings and hassle… but we got there in the end. We married, and before Daddy was going to change me to be like him, we made you. Sorry about this, sweetheart, it's probably not a pleasant thought, but I need to tell you.

Daddy struggled with the situation because, baby, well, the pregnancy is a little hard on me. I'm feeling a bit weak at the moment, but, sweetheart, please… it's not your fault! It is no-one's fault if this all ends badly. Daddy blames himself, and I don't want you to blame yourself if I don't make it; it seems counter-productive and I want you to have a long happy life filled with no regrets or a heavy weight holding you back from the things you want to do. I especially don't want the heavy weight to be me.

Now, the Cullen family is a very complex thing, sweetheart, because they've had so much history. I don't know when you'll read this, so I don't know how much you'll know already. It took me a very long time to feel welcome and to know as much as I do now…

Daddy is very stubborn, like me, but he loves you very very much. He'll only ever do what's best for you _because_ he loves you so much. The only thing you ever need to do for him is to love him back. He's your daddy, and you need to keep the bond there. Only very recently did I start to live with my Dad, and only recently did I realise how much I missed out on because I didn't see him often. Don't make the same mistake I did. Daddy always blames himself for everything, but don't use that against him, okay? His real Mom and Dad lived in 1918, but then died of the Spanish Influenza. Ask him about it; he'll tell you.

Auntie Alice is probably the most annoying but fantastic person I've ever met! If you're my little Edward Jacob then you may have gotten off lightly. However, if you're my beautiful Renesmee, then don't let her dress you up all the time! Unless you enjoy it that is… I just can't imagine a child of mine enjoying shopping! Auntie Alice will look after you because she loves me so much. She's my best friend, so she'll definitely get on well with you. Don't do anything naughty though because Auntie Alice has a way of knowing these things! Alice can't remember much about being human, so it's probably not a good idea to ask her about it – she gets very frustrated over the things she doesn't know! I mean, really frustrated. All I know is that she was put into a mental institution because she could see the future and was then turned into a vampire. She found Uncle Jasper and came to find the Cullen's.

Okay, so Uncle Jasper is going to be really good to you, I can tell. I never really talked to him much because the way my blood was so tempting to him, but he'll always make you feel better if you're feeling sad. Always. I hope you get on well with Uncle Jasper because he's such a lovely gentleman behind the self-hating exterior. He's always the most tempted around human blood because it took him so long to wean off them and onto animals. He didn't know any better and it was so natural for him, but he changed for Alice, for the family. He would give anything for this family, and I know he'd do that same for you because you _are _a part of this family.

Auntie Rosalie. Well, she loves you. She loves you almost as much as I do. I know, for a fact, that Auntie Rose will take care of you no matter what. She'll always be there for you, taking the physical place where I should be, although I'll always be with you in spirit. You should never take Auntie Rosalie very seriously – she can be really mean sometimes, and can say some horrible things, but she's had a hard life and she struggles with the life that she's been given. She didn't want to be a vampire; even now she'd rather be human with children of her own and a long but eventually ending marriage. Don't take things she says to heart – take them with a pinch of salt, walk away, and go back to talk to her later in the day, because she'll calm down and be nice again. She'll probably be nicer to you than me, because she loves you so much. She's been great to me these past weeks, though, and I've really appreciated her help.

Uncle Emmett is the second most annoying person, second to Auntie Alice. I don't know whether you'll be able to blush or not… I can but Daddy can't. Anyways, Uncle Emmett will always be able to make you laugh! He's much like Uncle Jasper but without the sensitive side and the caution. The most inappropriate jokes will come out of Uncle Emmett's mouth, but I hope he keeps them to a minimum whilst you're young… He was saved by Auntie Rose from a bear, and they fell in love, just like the rest of us. If you're strong like Daddy, then you'll have to give him a big smack from me! Okay? As a payback for all those jokes!

Nana Esme will also look after you so much. Unlike everyone else, Nana Esme had a little boy of her own. Did you know that? But, sadly, the baby died and it made Esme very unhappy, but Carlisle fixed her and here she is. Nana Esme is the most loving person you could ever meet; she will make you feel welcome and will always, always love you. If you ever have any problems that you can't talk to Daddy, or Alice, or Rosalie, or me, then Nana Esme will always listen.

Grandpa Carlisle? Well, he is the most compassionate person you will ever have the pleasure of knowing. He's a very wise man, so if you ever need any questions answering about your past, about your nature, then Carlisle is the person to go to. I am very fortunate that I am being looked after by him, and I know you'll always be safe with Carlisle as a grandfather. Not only is he wise, but he's very well respected amongst the vampire community – something that will always be helpful. Ask Grandpa Carlisle about his history. It really is the most fascinating thing, and I'd never be able to tell it properly or as good as he can. Besides, there's so much of it!

If I happen to pass away, then I am confident you'll have the best of lives with a family as strong as this one. You have every aspect here waiting for you to use; the daddy, the shopper, the sensitive one, the joker, the doctor, and the natural mothers.

Did you know that I'd never planned for children? I'd never realised how empty my heart was until I felt you kick inside of me. I never realised how big an impact a child had. I never realised how much someone could love something without even knowing them, seeing them. As I said, it's irrational but very, very real.

There will come a time in your life that you'll miss me; that you'll need to be with your Mommy. I think that's natural for every child, and don't be scared of that emotion. There will come a time when you're embarrassed to go to anyone other than your mom with a problem. I'll regret not being there for every moment that I spend away from you, but honey, please know that's not my choice. I'd give everything to help you grow and spend time with you, but the funny thing is that I've given everything I have to _you _already.

I hope you grow to understand, and I hope you feel, one day, about your own children the way I feel about you. That won't be for a long time though, you haven't even been born yet!

So when you need me, want to talk to me, I'll be there, listening. Always know that I'll be with you when you're scared, or nervous, when you're happy, or sad. You won't be able to see me but I'll be there.

If you want a hug from me, go to daddy instead. He's such a good man, and he'll be a great father to you, I just know he will. And if you ever think that I don't love you, that I don't care, then read this over and over until you understand that I love you more than my own life. The only reason I gave up _my_ life was so _you_ could have a life of your own, so you could experience life and love.

Don't think things will always be easy, sweetheart, because they won't be. Life isn't easy, but it's most definitely worthwhile. Having a rough journey only helps you appreciate the finish line so much more. You'll know when you've hit the jackpot, trust me.

How can I end this letter? How can I say 'goodbye' to you, when, really, I never said 'hello'? There's only so much you need to know; I love you and so does Daddy. I gave my life to you, you never took it. Live happily, and have no regrets; everything happens for a reason. And finally? I'll always be with you, in your heart, your head and the air that you breathe.

I love you forever and always, little nudger; you've already captured my heart.

_Just in case_

Mommy, xxx

* * *

_What did you think? Did you cry? I'd love to know. I hope you thought I did it okay. It's particularly hard writing a letter to an unborn baby. I had to realise that the baby would know half of the things that Bella is writing about by the time they read it... But it's good to hear it from their Mom, right?_

_Please review with your thoughts and comments, because you know who is next, right? Edward is the next and last chapter of this story. You want him, don't you?_

_Thanks so much for reading x_


	11. Darling Edward

_So, here is the chapter that everyone has been waiting for. Edward's. __I'll wait why you go get tissues...... back?_

_I'd like to thank Thats-So-Alex because she beta'd this chapter too. Here edit's really helped improve this chapter. She cried too, so I'd definitely go get those tissues if you haven't already._

_Okay, so enjoy:_

* * *

_My_ beautiful Edward,

Oh my goodness, Edward, how can I write this? I don't know how to even start, so how am I going to make my way through the pages and pages that you deserve? But you deserve more than pages of paper; you deserve eternal happiness and love and I think I'm finally realising that you find that in me.

Me? How many people populate the earth? How did you choose me to be the one lucky enough to share your happiness, your life, and your heart?

Oh, Edward, I don't know what to say! I really don't.

You don't want me to have this baby, _our _baby, my little nudger. On top of that, you don't even want me to say goodbye, adamant that I'm going to live through it. I never thought the day would come when I'd defy you; I always thought I'd do anything to make you happy, compromise in a way that we could both settle on. But how can I abort the baby that is evidence of our love together? The very idea, now, is bliss, so how can I abort the real thing that I love so much? And second, I'll defy you once more before my life ends because I have to say goodbye. I would die full of regrets and sadness if I don't get to say goodbye to my family, especially to you.

I'm so sorry, Edward, that things have ended up like this. I didn't think we'd be on opposite teams, ever, but here we are and every time you try to convince me to get rid of my baby, it tears me a little bit more, rips me apart at the very _idea _of it.

I know why, though, Edward. I can't say I understand, because I don't! I don't understand how you could want to get rid of _our _baby – it's a miracle! Don't you want to be a father? But despite my strong feelings towards it all, I think I can see why. If I were in your position, I don't know what I'd choose. But you haven't felt it kick, and you can't feel it moving around in me. You don't feel the emotions that I feel towards our baby and the bond that is already there. I know why though – you want me to be safe, to live through it all, and to spend an eternity with you.

But I can't Edward. Say I aborted the baby that I love so much, I could never be happy knowing that I'd been so selfish as to kill off my baby to save myself! That's not _me_, and you married _me_. Doing it would change me into someone who you hadn't fallen in love with, someone who you wouldn't even know. So I'm saving _our _baby's life, sure, but I'm also saving my own.

Edward, I think our problem has always been that neither of us feels that we deserve the other. But I'm finally beginning to see… I think. Despite the fact I don't know _how _or _why _I deserve you, I can't stay away. I'm so lucky that I've got this amount of happiness.

Do you know that I'm happy? I'm a wife to a husband who is the most wonderful, amazing man that has ever walked this earth. But on top of all that, I'm now a Mom, or will be very soon. Edward, I'm so sorry. I always said that I'd never wanted children, because I never did. Funny, really, because you were always telling me how much I was missing out on. Well, guess what? Now, I want children. Now, I'm not missing out on anything.

Do you know how much I love you? How much of my heart that you own so completely? I only realised recently that my heart has grown so _our _baby can have some of it too.

There's so much I want to tell you, and I'll try not to dwell on the baby, _our _baby, too much, as I don't want my goodbye to be tinted by our disagreement – we are really starting to sound like a married couple now, I guess.

When we first met, Edward, in Biology however long ago it was, you made me feel so uncomfortable, you really did. It's weird, really, looking back on it now and remembering how I felt. I can't imagine feeling uncomfortable around you now… being with you is as easy as breathing, but just as necessary. You were acting really strange and I didn't know what to make of you. Everyone warned me to stay away, trying to save me from the same rejection they'd had… but I couldn't. You were so beautiful, and so handsome, and you attracted me. Not just because of your predator stuff that you always blame it on, but because you were an outsider too. I couldn't stay away, and I haven't ever since. It's so strange to try and imagine my life before you entered it.

You began doing strange things, you remember? You saved me from Tyler's van and you gave away a little bit of your secret. It was so frustrating! - I couldn't get you out of my mind… it's like you'd taken over my life. And then you saved me from those men that almost attacked me in Port Angeles! You were so frustrating to me - and then I found out you were a vampire, and it suddenly all made sense.

You thought I'd leave, that I'd get scared and run, but I couldn't. How could I when already you'd got my heart laid out in front of you? I was waiting for you to reject me, like I'd been told you would. You tried, stubborn Edward, but you didn't. You _couldn't _either.

Your family fascinated me, every single one of them, with their want to be normal, their history, and their lifestyle. It was so surreal to watch… But the one who fascinated me most was _you_. Edward, you are your own worst enemy, you know that? You haven't drunk human blood for so long, yet you continue to label yourself a monster. Why? I am definitely not in love with a monster; I am in love with _you._

You know when James was after me; I wondered what was going through your mind. You see, I blamed myself, because I was the temptation and the pathetic human that put the whole of your family in danger. I've done that a lot, first with James, secondly with the Volturi when I had to rescue you because of my silly hallucinations, and then with Victoria and the newborn's. You always saved me, risking your family's lives to protect me.

When Alice came to find Charlie because she thought I was dead, she told me where you were heading and I was so frightened. For the first time, I was actually scared. Believe it or not, I'd rather not be wanted by you than for you to be dead. A world without Edward? It's not possible. My heart was beating so quickly that I thought it would pop out of my chest. My head was screaming at me that it would be too late, even with Alice on my side. I saved you, yet it was only a small patch of payback on the many times you've saved me. Even though I thought you were going to leave me again, I was so relieved to see you, so relieved to remember exactly what you looked liked. I finally felt sane because, for so long, I thought I'd dreamed you up, but you were standing in front of me and that was enough to prove I had not.

When you were protecting me from Victoria, at first, I felt guilty that I was separating you from your family, but there was no way that I could stay away from everything, separated from you. Do you know how helpless I felt? I am the weak (and very clumsy) human amongst a vast world full of mythical creations of vampires and werewolves. With no magical power or attraction or strength, I was unable to help. You wanted to protect me from the newborn's, but I wanted to protect _you_. Surely, you can understand how frustrated I was? I know you can't see into my head, but you can see into Alice's and Jasper's. Both want to protect the other; me being human does not take away my desperation to keep you safe.

I've got to bring this up, Edward, purely because it's an issue I need to mention. When you left, I was heartbroken. There's no getting away from that fact. You'd left me heart-less because you'd taken it with you. But when you came back, it meant that everything we have now is stronger, deeper. We know what happens now when we're apart.

That, however, brings me onto two points, both of equal importance. I wonder when you're going to stop beating yourself up about leaving me – it all turned out okay, it worked out _more_ than okay. We found our way back to each other, exactly where we belong.

Edward, I really need to ask you something, and I need you to swear you'll keep to it. If it makes any difference at all, this is my dying wish and I want you to listen to me. If you love me, you would do what I want, you have before, so please just do this for me. Edward, if things go badly throughout this whole pregnancy, and I end up dead, then I need you to stay alive. The last thing on earth that I want is for you to go running off to the Volturi, okay? You've got responsibilities, with me, with your family and with our child. You may not like it, but you've got to face up to that fact you are a father. The pregnancy may have left me lifeless, but it left you with a child too, that will grow up to be so fantastic and as wonderful as you are. It leaves you with a part of me.

If I die, Edward, then please don't blame either yourself, or our baby. I know you think you did this to me, but I did it to myself. I wanted to make love with you before I was changed into a vampire; well, if making love to you was the only thing I could do out of the two, then I don't mind. It was the most amazing thing; words can't even describe how amazing it was to be so close to you, connected with you like that. Being a vampire, now, is something I still want so desperately, but definitely not at the price of my child. Don't blame yourself for getting me pregnant, because _I _asked for the physical connection, okay? Don't blame our child if I die either because _I _made the choice to keep our baby alive. Our baby is not aware of what's going on and it's unable to make decisions of its own. It's all my choice. If you want to blame it on anyone, if it will make you feel better, then blame it on me for I am the one who sealed this fate with my decisions – and with each one, I hold no regrets.

When you proposed to me, I wasn't exactly impressed and I apologise if I hurt your feelings. You know I love you, but I was scared of marrying so young – mainly Renée's reaction, and Charlie's too, but it seemed so… unnecessary! I already knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with you, so why marriage? But I think I understood, eventually. I'll die a married woman, and I'm actually grateful for it. Besides, with marriage, I got my honeymoon, which in turn, gave us a child.

The thing I looked forward to most about the wedding was that as soon as I walked down the aisle and I saw you waiting. It was just me and you. There was no one else, and I was in my happy place. I think you knew what I would better than I did then. So, thank you.

Whenever I imagined my future (and I'll admit it wasn't often because the present was just so perfect) but whenever I did, I imagined being perfectly preserved at eighteen, living with you for all of eternity. It didn't matter where we lived – why would it when we were together? I imagined being so beautiful that I'd finally feel you would be happy with me, and that Alice wouldn't have to put so much make-up on me to make me look pretty. My life, our life, would last forever; no trouble from the Volturi because I'd be like them; no trouble from any one else because I could stand up for myself. Long, endless days each filled with such tranquillity and contentment that no-one could take away from me because they simply _couldn't_. The thing I imagined most was lying in the sun, with you; both our bodies embedded with diamonds, symbolising that we are finally equal.

Did you imagine that too? Did you see, before, what I'm describing? You so desperately wanted me to stay human but that was never a possibility for me – not now I knew how I could live, how devastated I would be as I felt myself grow old but watching you stay so young and perfect. I'm ready to be a vampire, and I hope your efforts don't fail.

You say I'm going to be all right, that I'm going to survive. But maybe, Edward, your willingness and your desperation won't make it happen this time. Maybe my luck has run out, because you can't deny the fact I've been lucky! I have you for a husband, so loving and sensitive. I have your family who accepts me and welcomes me with open arms, and I have a child.

Your family really are great, Edward, and I'll thank you for letting me into your family. The bonds that were tied between you all are so strong; I thought I'd never squeeze through the gap that you allowed me. But I did, and here I am.

Both Alice and Emmett are ready to look after you if you decide to disobey my command to live. I'd seriously consider that, you know, if not for me, but because Emmett is almighty strong and Alice extremely annoying. If you feel the birth of our child too much of a burden to begin with, then both Rosalie and Esme are willing to help look after our baby, temporarily, until you feel ready to take on the role of daddy. Jasper will make my death as bearable on the whole family as possible, lightening everyone's mood in the way that Jasper knows best. And please go and talk to Charlie. He'll miss me too, and my death will be hard on him. Talk to him, explain to him, and be with him if he needs you. And whilst all of that is happening, Carlisle is going to be there, holding you all together the way he did before I entered your lives and the way he'll continue to do for many years after I've gone.

Edward, my darling Edward. All mine. Forever. If I'm dead, I'll still be forever yours. To whom else could I really belong? But, Edward, I give you my permission… that if, _if _you are ever lucky enough to find someone who lightens your heart in the way you have lightened mine, then don't let the weight of my death, the weight of my memory, hold you down.

It's so hard for me to write this – I'm so selfish, I really am. But not now. I can't be selfish anymore.

If you are lucky enough to find love after me, let the emotions take you, Edward, I promise you I'll be okay with it. All I want is for you to find your eternal happiness and a life you deserve. I'm sorry if I can't share that with you. I'm sorry that after everything we've been through, the ending is the same as the one before. I'm sorry that I've troubled your life so much that I've left a scar so deep it may never heal. But you need to at least _try_.

Edward, there is a big difference between existing and living. You need to live. If not for yourself, then for me. Live the life I never fully got to live. Live the life that I'd be proud of you for living.

Smile the way_ I_ do when I see your face, and when you hum me to sleep with my lullaby, and when I remember our first passionate kiss.

Laugh the way _you_ did when I blushed out of embarrassment, or tripped over my own feet, or when you remember my cravings for eggs, and the cheesy films we watched over and over.

I don't want the memories you have of me to be painful – I want them to be casual and satisfying in a way that makes you feel half-full. I want you to remember the times when I was well, and times that were fun. Don't dwell on all the bad times, what's the point other than to make yourself feel bad? Remember the good times and the times we had instead of the things we were missing out on.

Soon will be the time to go, as I think you are getting suspicious of where I am. Rosalie helped me write these letters and she's been so good to me. She listened to me and has proved herself to be a wonderful sister to me.

I'm so sorry my goodbye came in the form of a letter. You deserve more, but you only allow me so much in fear it will stress me out or make me weaker than I am already getting. I could never say this to you in person – it is an extremely cowardly approach on things, but how could I have? How could I watch as the sadness creeps into your eyes when you realise I am saying my goodbye? How could I hear the regret and pain in your voice as you tell me to stop talking and that everything will be okay? How could I listen to your promises when, deep down, we know nothing at all and all we're doing is praying and wishing? There is no way that I could withstand that amount of pain – on myself, or on you.

May this letter be the first stitch to sow up your healing heart; only time will allow it to make a full recovery, but please know that I'll always be with you. There's no possibility that I could ever truly leave your side. Forever and ever, Edward, you will always have my heart. Remember me, like I will remember you. Your eyes, your face, your hair and body, your smell; they are memories that will never leave me. I know them as well as I know myself, so as long as I am me, I'll know and remember you.

I love you in a way that words can never truly describe, my Edward, because you breathed life into me and loved me back – a seemingly impossibility in its own right. It's time now Edward, because this letter cannot go on forever. I'm so sorry.

But I love you.

I love you, so much now,

And I will always love you.

For you; my hugs and kisses, my tears and sadness, but also my happiness, and everything else I have to offer. You have my heart, and my child. Keep them safe.

Just in case, my beautiful Edward,

_Yours, forever and always,_ Bella, xxx

* * *

_Well, I'd love to know what you think. Did you cry? Did I write enough? I hope you enjoyed reading it._

_Please review with your thoughts and comments - I really appreciate hearing all of them._

_Also, this is not going to be the last chapter. I'm not ready to end this story yet, so I am going to write a epilogue in Bella's Point Of View, and then also Edward's Point Of View upon finding his letter. I hope you'll all stick around to read it :) Please review with your thoughts on this._

_Thanks for reading x_


	12. Sealed With A Tear

Epilogue

Bella

I stare at the words I've written with my mouth ajar. My eyes are puffy and my cheeks sting as the burning betrayal of tears leave trails as hot as lava on my cheeks. I cannot escape from reality; I cannot dwell on the past for long.

Quickly, I read through Edward's letter, over and over, thinking of anything that I may have missed or anything that I could rephrase to comfort him more. But there is nothing. The letter is sad, but honest. It is the best way that I can say goodbye. As I wrote it, my hand screamed to stop – it wanted to stop writing the words that stabbed my heart with each letter that I scrawled onto the page, but I could not, I would _not _stop writing. If Edward was not allowing me to say goodbye in person (something I doubted I'd be able to do anyway) then I would give him something he could always treasure. My thoughts.

But I guess there's a limit to how emotionally charged ink on paper can be. Even my best efforts didn't fully portray how I felt. Bringing the paper to my lips, I kiss each one of Edward's pages in the top right corner, and finally at the bottom where I had signed my name. I fold it delicately, and it reminds me of how he treats me. Breakable and fragile. I slide the paper into the envelope and write his name on the front, each letter a strain on my heart, a tense in my muscle, a breath that I don't inhale.

Patting my baby bump, I look at the envelopes that have gathered by my side on the purple bedcovers, each one containing my dying wishes, my feelings of my last days alive. I wriggle my fingers, trying to release the feeling as cramp creeps into my muscles.

And then the baby kicks; a small kick but as the foot makes contact with my womb, I gasp for breath.

A small knock at the door sounds gently and I roll my eyes at the protectiveness of my family.

"Bella?" I hear Rose's voice call cautiously and I smile to myself. Rosalie is so good to me; she gives me what I ask and listens when I speak. "Are you okay?" she calls from the other side of the door, and I hear as she places her hand heavily on the door handle, making it rattle, waiting to come in and find me in pain.

"Rose, I'm fine," I answer quietly, knowing she will hear. My voice… is broken. The notes sound fake, and the way I speak isn't right. I assume that's because my vocal cords have been attacked by the trapped tears in my throat.

Her hand is removed, and the sharp tap of her heels on the wooden floor tells me she is moving away, giving me the privacy that I requested. Actually, I had begged for it. It was a rarity in this house, but Rosalie had helped. In fact, it surprised me just how much help she was to me, after our rocky history.

I pick up the individual letters and inhale each one deeply, as if expecting the scent of the person to whom it is addressed to linger on the paper, despite the fact they haven't touched it, despite the fact they have no idea it has even been written. Gently, I trace my finger around the corner of each one. Every movement is slow – I do not want a paper cut, definitely not now. Isn't all of this enough already?

And then my baby kicks again, a reminder that it is the reason why my heart's secrets have been sprawled across paper carelessly. It is a reminded that time is an issue.

"It's okay, sweetheart. Mommy's here," I coo, trying to bend my neck to kiss my stomach, but obviously I just can't bend that way. Instead, I hitch up my t-shirt to reveal the bruised, uneven bump; I kiss my palm, and smother the kiss over the fragile bare skin as if massaging my love into my pores.

"Mommy loves you." I sigh, and I feel my tear ducts betray me again. I do. I love the baby that is killing me. Love knows no bounds, especially when the person you love is your child. My bones feel like they are eroding, as if soon I will snap as the weight of the baby is too much for them to take. My muscles, too, are weakening, and I don't know how long I will last. I play it down. I don't want Edward to feel my strain, to blame himself anymore than he already does. I want him to love our baby as much as I do, and only when he thinks I am okay will he do so. But the truth is… I'm not okay. I'm dying, I'm weak, and I'm lifeless. But I'd have it no other way.

I sigh deeply, and wait for the clock to tick at least one hundred and twenty times before I speak.

"Rose?" I whisper, and she is in the room within the same second in which the word left my mouth.

"Yeah?" she asks, closing the door behind her quietly so as not to spark the attention of the others. "Oh, my god," she curses, her eyes wide as she looks at me. Naturally, my hand moves to my bump protectively, whilst the other runs through my matted hair, conscious of my appearance.

"What?" I croak, as her gaze softens and she dampens her lips with the swift movement of her pink tongue.

"You look awful." She sighs, perching her perfect bottom on the double bed next to me. I watch as her eyes gently brush upon the pile of envelopes beside me and she nods her head. I realise that I must look as awful as I feel; that my cheeks must be as scarred from the burns, that my eyes must be as red raw as my aching heart.

"Have you finished?" she asks sharply and I nod slowly, wondering how I could ever be finished. My words and my feelings could go on forever.

"Rosalie?"

"Yeah,"

"Not yet." I sigh.

"You aren't finished?" she asks confused.

"No. I am. But you can't read them. You can't hand them out yet," I explain. She nods, and her eyes linger on my exposed baby bump but then meet my eyes.

"When?"

I think for a moment, and I wonder if Rosalie is being blonde. I'd told her _this _bit before. "When I'm gone. When I die," I say quietly, consciously aware of the other vampires in the house whose hearing is just as extraordinary as Rosalie's had been a minute ago.

"Okay," she replies after a moment of silence; a moment was all it took for Rosalie to analyse what I was asking, and what I was insinuating.

"There's one here for everyone; one to Alice, Jasper, Emmett, you, Carlisle, Esme, to Charlie and Renée, to Jake too." Rosalie's face scrunches up in disgust as she thinks about my best friend and I notice a small growl that escapes her.

"Edward?" she asks, her face evident that she was curious why I had not said his name – the answer was because it was too hard to acknowledge I was saying goodbye to _him._

"And my little nudger," I mutter, putting both hands on my ever-growing stomach.

"Okay," she replies again. Slowly, she reaches over to collect them, but my hand, somehow, beats her there. Her eyebrows rise as she looks at my hands grasping the letters tightly, guarding my emotion.

"Bella, you can't hold onto them forever." She smiles, but I can sense her impatience, and I finish the sentence with words she didn't say, but was probably thinking: _you don't have forever._

Carefully, I place the letters in her hands and watch as her pale slender fingers wrap around them.

"For when you're gone," she agrees before standing and exiting the room. But without the letters next to me, I feel like I am drowning. The baby moves inside of me, and I breathe deeply. The air around me is tinted with sadness, and grief that my beloved ones are yet to experience. But I realise that the words that were written on paper were simply a hard copy of the words that will always be engraved on my heart.

* * *

_This is the epilogue. However, it is not the final chapter. _

_My reason for including Edward's POV chapter in this next is because I don't want to do a sequel one-shot, so I'd rather include it in this story. The idea has been planted and I can't not write it. Therefore, wait and see for the next chapter._

_Reviews will be appreciated._

_Thanks for reading x_


	13. Found

107 years later

Bella gave birth to Renesmee. The Cullen's moved away from Forks three years later.

They are returning, one hundred and seven years after the birth, to the place it all happened.

Edward's Point Of View

* * *

Returning to Forks was something I'd been excited about for quite a while. It was the place where my life had really begun. After so long, I'd found the reason for my existence in this small town. Excitement was, in fact, an understatement. We had vacated the place we all called home just over one hundred and three years ago due to curious neighbours and simply paranoia from us all. Charlie had long since passed away, as had everybody else we once knew, and it is now safe for us to return.

As we drive the familiar route, I get extremely conscious of the fact we are returning to the place where I had become complete, where I had found love in my darling, beautiful Bella.

Bella and I are driving here in our own car, but the rest of the family are following in convoy; Renesmee and Jacob are together, in a car of their own, although all of them seem to be a considerable distance behind us. I suppose for Renesmee and Jacob, toilet breaks are a necessity.

"Excited, love?" I ask as we pull into the driveway of the house we have not seen for over one hundred years. The memories pull at my un-beating heart's strings as I think that here was where it all happened. In this house, I got married, and the child we never even thought was possible was born.

"Yes!" Bella smiles, and grips my hand as I tug on the handbrake. "Oh!" she says, enthused. "I'm going to see our cottage!" She gets out of the car, runs a couple of metres ahead of me before turning around. "Coming?" she invites but I shake my head.

"I've got to open up," I say, waving the keys to the house at her and smile as she shrugs and runs off, her brown hair, flapping in the wind as she takes off running. It is what she's been looking forward to for a long time, since we knew that we were coming home. _Home... _

The rest of the family are not quite as quick at driving as I, none of them as reckless or speedy, not to mention that we'd set out earlier than the rest of the family due to our quick packing, so Carlisle gave me the keys. Turning the key in the lock, I hear a faint click and open the door.

The place is considerably dusty, as it would be after being inhabited for so long, but the obvious recognisable features are here. This is home.

Walking inside, I browse around to see if any damage has been done to the place, by daring youths or by the weather, but all I can see is old rubble and more dust. Basic furniture is still here, as we had left majority of our simple, unsentimental possessions. In the air, the dust particles taunt me and my supernatural vision. I continue my search upstairs.

Carlisle's study looks fine, but his shelves are empty and more dust sits on the shelves. The place where his desk used to be is empty, waiting for the removal truck to bring it back.

My old room is strange to be in. The fact being that for three years _before_we left this home, I spent my time in the cottage, in mine and Bella's room. It's strange standing here with the double bed in front of me, unused even before we left. My books, like Carlisle's, are in the removal truck. I take my books and music everywhere.

The next room I enter is Rosalie's. Something strikes me, hard and powerful and it takes me a moment to recognise it. Could it really still be here, after all this time? And in this room, of all rooms?

I take a step towards the drawers where the smell so distant yet familiar is coming from. Slowly, I pull on the handle to reveal eleven envelopes. The smell intensifies and I question as to why these envelopes - in Rosalie's room, of all places - smell so strongly of Bella's human scent.

Something catches my eye; my name perfectly scrawled across the centre of the envelope in Bella's neatest handwriting. I reach down and lift up the letter addressed to me and as soon as my fingers make contact with the paper, my head feels heavy. The scent I thought I'd never smell again crosses my nose. I sniff the paper and it drives me wild. I'd forgotten how much I missed that antagonizing scent.

Carefully, I tear the back of the envelope; curious as to why I have not yet read this letter, _why _is it tinted with Bella's human smell, and why they are in _Rosalie's_ drawer?

_My beautiful Edward, _I read, and the compassion in the first three words of the page makes me unsure as to whether I want to read on. But, of course, I cannot put the letter down now.

She didn't know how to start, but start what? Writing this letter? Why? I scan further down the page until I see something that answers my questions. She was saying goodbye – and all because of Renesmee. She wrote this when she was pregnant? All those years ago… one hundred and seven years this letter has been written and only now am I reading it.

My heart feels like its being stabbed, like I'm plummeting to the bottom of a fiery pit –it's slightly ironic since fire is the only thing that can hurt me; that, and Bella. But why?

I scan through the letter, reading quickly so I can re-read it. Parts of it stand out to me that make me want to cry… if only I could. My throat burns intensely, not from thirst, but from an unknown frustration and loss.

_I have to say goodbye._

_We'd be on opposite teams_

_Don't you want to be a father? _

_I couldn't stay away._

_It's so strange to try and imagine my life before you entered it._

_I am in love with you._

I stop reading, ignoring the second half of the letter for now. I forget that years have passed and I read it the way she wanted me to read it, as if she was dead. She felt so strongly about all of this, and I didn't listen to her. She was trying to tell me, through this letter, how many mistakes I'd be making if I took the baby from her.

She was telling me about the first day we met, how I'd made her feel uncomfortable, how scared she had been when I'd left to go to the Volturi.

_A world without Edward? It's not possible._

_When you left I was heartbroken._

_Blame it on me._

_It was just me and you._

She was begging me to stay alive for the sake of her baby, _our _baby. She was telling me to blame the pregnancy on _her _because she was the one that had asked me to make love to her. She was reminding me of our wedding, and telling me how happy she had been. I feel my throat tighten and I stand still holding these pieces of paper that hold my wife's secrets, emotions, her heart, her wishes, her dying wishes…

_We are finally equal._

_Maybe my luck has run out._

_After I've gone…_

She was telling me about her dreams of being a vampire like me. She showed me her mind, through the description of her dreams, what she wanted to be. Equal, with sparkling skin, and a lifetime of happiness with me. But in the same letter, she was telling me that her luck has run out, that she thinks she will die. How can she write her dreams and her death in the same letter? She expected to be dead when I read this, but what good is it then? She would be gone.

_I can't be selfish anymore._

_Find love after me._

I stop reading, and I feel numb from the shock of my discovery. It takes me seconds, minutes for my usually fast brain to take in what she is telling me. She's telling me that, when she is gone, to find love after her. Is she crazy? Does she not know me at all? Find love _after _her? If Bella is gone, not only does my love die, but so do I. Life does not exist if Bella does not, and neither does love.

_Live the life I never fully got to live._

_Smile the way I do._

_Laugh the way you did._

She was telling me how to live, giving me hints on how to continue life after she is gone. Did it matter to her _that _much? I can never smile the way she does, never. There is no one that could capture that amount of beauty with the simple movement of her jaw muscles, and there is no way that I could laugh when Bella is gone. Life does not exist if Bella does not, and neither does laughter.

_Remember the good times._

_Soon will be the time to go._

_Rosalie helped me write these letters._

Of course Rosalie helped her. All Rosalie ever cared about was the baby, never about Bella. Never my precious Bella. I feel anger rising in me, anger that I have not felt in so long. Not only does this letter bring back memories of that horrific time, but I am reliving it. I am reliving it through the eyes of Bella. She is asking me to remember the good times, but I can't. Life does not exist if Bella does not, so how can memories?

_I'm so sorry._

_You deserve more._

She was telling me it is her fault. She was on her death bed and Bella is apologising; how very Bella! She was telling me I deserve more, but I don't. I don't deserve anything. I was killing her!

_How could I listen to your promises?_

_We know nothing._

_All we're doing is praying._

She was right. I know nothing, and I never did. I've spent my entire life believing I am dammed yet here I am praying to the person, who I do not believe will listen to me, for my help. That was the best I could do. After everything she gave me, that was all I could do.

_A full recovery…_

_You will always have my heart_

_Remember me_

A full recovery? Never. The only thing time will do is tear me further apart. If I do not do that mentally, then _someone _will do it for me physically. She was asking me to remember her, as if I had a choice in the matter. As if every breath I breathe is not a reminder that I am in love, and every thought I think about contains her beautiful face. Yet she asks me to remember her. As if I had a choice.

_I love you._

_You breathed life into me._

_You loved me back._

She was telling me the obvious. I know I love her. I know she loves me. But still the words cause me to feel light-headed, and my heart to break because she thinks she _has _to tell me. She thought I don't already know, and I'm also scared. She was telling me because she thought she wouldn't be around to tell me any longer.

_This letter cannot go on forever._

_I'm so sorry._

The words cause a crack so strong that my legs buckle under me and I fall to the floor. My eyes are burning from the non-existent tears like a phantom pregnancy. _Pregnancy._ That is the reason for this letter. But would I have it any other way, now that I love my daughter so much?

_But I love you.  
I love you, so much now,  
And I will always love you._

My heart breaks further and I realise that I _do_actually have one. Un-beating it may be, but it is there. I can feel it breaking. It's strange – people always say that. You only realise what you've had until it's gone… or broken.

_My hugs and kisses  
My tears and sadness,  
My happiness  
My heart and my child  
Keep them safe._

She was giving me everything, in a hope I will keep it safe. How could I take responsibility of it all, when I could not keep the most important thing of all safe? I could not keep Bella safe, yet here she was, writing this letter, putting all of her trust in me to keep everything else safe. She trusted me when I did not trust myself. I try and remember that Bella's safe now that she's a vampire.

_Just in case_

Just in case. She was writing all of this _just in case. _Did she not know that the words on this paper are now engraved onto my brain and on my heart forever? Did she not know the affect that each word she gives? I reach the bottom of the letter, waiting for more, _expecting_ there to be more, despite the fact she built up to this point where she has to say goodbye:

_Yours, forever and always, Bella, xxx _is all she writes.

Each word, each letter is a punch to my heart and I sit on the floor as I cradle the paper against my chest with as much protection as I would protect the real thing, the real Bella. But this letter gives me something. It gives me insight to Bella's last human days, the way her mind worked when she thought there is no time left. I stare at her name over and over.

_Bella, xxx_

_Bella, xxx_

_Bella, xxx_

Something cracks my focus.

"Edward?" I hear the musical voice that washes over me and bathes me in happiness. I look up to the face of my darling Bella but I cannot smile. How can I smile when I am holding her goodbye between my pale palms?

"Bella," I breathe, and even I can tell that my voice is sad.

"Edward, what's th-" She cuts off and I meet her eyes, following them to the paper in my hand. Glancing at the open drawer, she sees the many envelopes collected there, and the opened one on the floor. She makes the connection quickly.

"Oh," is all she says as she walks over to me slowly, lowering herself to the floor, and sitting opposite me.

"Why?" I croak and she knows what I mean. Bella's golden eyes glance around the room awkwardly before staring into my own eyes. I wonder if mine are as sad as hers are, portraying so many emotions in once glance: guilt, regret, grief? She opens her mouth to speak but no words escape.

Instead, she puts her three longest fingers on my leg and closes her eyes. I expect to see tears fall down her cheeks like I had when she was human. It's like I've been teleported back to the past, to the time when her pulsing blood was an issue, her fragility and her humanity. Only, Bella is a vampire now, with me for eternity. I find it hard to think that whilst holding her goodbye. Vampires don't say goodbye.

I hear her thoughts as her shield is lifted.

_You…you wouldn't let me say goodbye in person, _she thinks but cuts herself off before she can continue. Shaking her head, she inhales deeply and closes her eyes again, focusing on keeping her shield lifted. It's always difficult when she's upset, I think. It's always difficult for me to see her upset, too. _I was dying, and you knew it. I needed you to know I love you._

"I already knew," I whisper and she nods.

"I know," she says with a sad smile. "But in case you forgot. In case I died. I needed you to keep yourself alive." I wonder what I would have done, had the situation presented itself. Would I have obliged to Bella's dying wish to raise our child, or would I find the challenge too difficult, and decide I didn't want to live anymore?

"I can't believe I never knew."

"I didn't want you to."

I stare at Bella for a long time, re-evaluating the face I already think I know so well, but in fact, there is so much I do not know. I don't know the exact size of her little finger, and I don't know how long her eyelashes are. I don't know whether she prefers a kiss on the lips, or the cheeks, even though I can probably guess. I do not know what goes through her mind. I only know when she shows me.

"I can't believe you were saying goodbye," I mutter and she shuffles herself so she is now sitting on my lap, and she lifts my arms, enclosing herself in them.

"I didn't want to," she whispers, bringing her lips to mine but does not make contact. Lifting her mouth upwards, she kisses my nose. "I _had_ to."

"You didn't," I protest softly.

"Edward, see it from my point of view, please," she begs and I nod slightly. "I'm pregnant. My husband wants me to abort the baby. But I can't. I love it already. My husband says I won't die. But I will. I will if that's what it takes to keep my baby alive. So…I need to say goodbye." She pauses and I realise that her sentences are short and patronising to try and get me to understand. But she really has said no more in dialogue than she wrote in the letter. It's somewhat infuriating. "It's what humans do. It's called setting their affairs in order." She sighs and sits there with a frown on her face as if she's analysing the situation that she created.

"You could have just told me how you felt," I say, but even I know I'm lying.

"You didn't let me."

"You should have tried harder."

"You're just as stubborn as me."

It's true. I couldn't have just sat there and listen to Bella say goodbye, have her eyes leak with tears that I couldn't stop from falling in a situation that I had no power to change. It would have been too painful for me to listen to. Maybe, back then, I believed that not saying goodbye was best. If Bella hadn't said goodbye, then she wouldn't leave me. I knew Bella enough to know she'd never go without saying goodbye. But although I had not listened to an audio farewell, Bella had been planning one.

Bella and I both sigh and I breathe in her exhale. We sit there, arms and bodies interlocked, but I feel cheated. Although Bella is alive, I know that she was planning her death. It's like cliff diving all over again, and the compressing pain in my chest is almost too much to bare.

"Would you?" she whispers, pulling herself into me as if trying to shield her own ears from the answer to the question that she asked. I don't understand what she's asking. "Would you have gone to the Volturi?" she asks again, making it as clear as a question like that could be. I think about my answer… would I? _Could_ I?

The thing is, it was never simple. At first, if the baby had killed Bella, I would have gone. But then I heard the baby's thoughts, the baby's mind…and I fell in love with my darling Renesmee, too. But then I think of life without Bella – it's painful, it aches, it hurts, it makes me numb. Life without Bella? There is no life without Bella. I already know what life is like without her – I could never repeat it…

"I don't know," I admit and she sighs at my indecisiveness.

My head is spinning and I don't know how to react. In my hand, I am holding my wife's goodbye letter from one hundred and seven years ago, yet in my arms, I am holding my wife. It's all so confusing. Some would think I'd be grateful that Bella had not died, that she was alive and the letter never need to be read. But I feel betrayed and cheated. Bella had assumed I would read this letter when she was gone… she expected to die, and that was enough to hurt me.

"Edward?" she whispers, lifting her chin and making eye contact with me. Her face is truly beautiful, and I suddenly remember that we are sitting in a room filled with dust.

"Yes, love?"

"I'm sorry." Her words barely forming a sound. My own mouth opens to soothe her but her swift movements allow her to put a finger across my lips, hushing them. "I didn't mean to upset you. Imagine I'm gone, dead. Imagine you have nothing to guide you through your life without me. Would you not, surely, prefer a letter?" She leaves the question hanging in the air between us, raising questions and answers in my own mind. When she phrases it like that, then yes, I would prefer a letter. But then I don't. The indecisiveness of my own mind causes me dizziness and I simply kiss the sweet smelling hair on Bella's head.

"I'm sorry," she repeats, and she lifts her head and stares right into my eyes, past the iris and deep into my mind. "Can I tell you the truth?" she croaks and I stare at her. This wasn't the truth?

Nodding my head, I fear for the worst.

"It hurt. It hurt like hell." I breathe deeply, trying to ease the protests in my head. "My muscles were weak, and so were my bones. I was scared that I wasn't going to see my baby grow up, that I wouldn't get to live with you forever." She pauses and her eyes glow. I sigh slowly. "I was scared, and I was so close to letting you all know. But I was scared that if I did that, you'd wallow in your own self pity and self hatred, and I couldn't do that to you." She pauses again. My stomach is in knots. The words that Bella says spark the feeling of hatred in me as if it were my cue. "As I said, it was my decision so the consequences were my own." Bella breaths deeply and I think that, maybe, Bella feels lighter. Her eyes are a little less sad, and I force mine to mirror it to keep Bella content.

"I'm alive," she states and I chuckle.

"I know that much."

"Kiss me." She says, and I do, deeply and passionately, as if it were our last. I open my eyes to measure her eye lashes; 1.1cm. I take her hand in mine and run my own fingers along her little finger; 4.4cm. She pulls away.

"Do you prefer my kisses on your lips or cheek?" I ask and watch as her eyebrows rise in confusion. She kisses me again, on the lips, and I smile as my guess was correct – she prefers the lips. "Are you going to give the others their letters?" I ask a question that burns my mind and my mouth as the words escape them. She looks at them all, her glare lingering on each one separately.

"Not yet," she says, and I don't know whether I like that answer or not. "But they deserve to read them one day." Scooping up the others, she holds them to her chest and smiles at me.

"When?" I ask, holding onto mine with stiff, pale fingers. I see Jake's name, and at first, I feel jealous. At the time of the birth, Bella loved him. He could have given her a child _without _giving her the need to say goodbye.

"I don't know," she says, standing up and holding out her right hand, the left occupied with the letters. "It's not as if I'm going anywhere." She smiles and I return it. Getting up, I gently kiss her lips, and breathe in her scent again. My heart reconnects itself.

I smile as we make our way down the stairs, just as Carlisle and Esme pull into the driveway.

"Nowhere." I agree, gripping her hand just that extra bit tighter.

* * *

_Thank you all so much for staying with this story. I appreciate all your support._

_Please review with your thoughts and comments. Please tell me your favourite parts throughout the story - I'd love to hear them. The reviews so far to this story have been great, and I'd really like to end it on a high :)_

_Thank you so much for reading._

_Big-Blue-Eyes18_

_xxx_


	14. Discovered again

_Welcome back! If you know me, then you're sure to know that I'll often pop back to a story to extend it a little bit more, or add something else. I'm always extending one-shots into two shots, or adding another chapter to something I thought was finished. So here I am. It's not really a surprise to me._

_But I really wanted to write this. I don't know why; I guess because the story didn't feel finished, and I needed to close it off. Lots of you suggested having a sequel where the family members read their letters... Well, you'll have to read on to see what I've done. _

_So, I hope this is okay for you all, and you enjoy it: _

* * *

Seventy-four years later.

Staring at the piece of paper in front of me, I felt the tears ripple in my eyes. They stung, and made the paper blur, the content a mass of black ink instead of actual precise words. Something was caught tightly in my throat.

_My Little Nudger_, it read at the top, and I was wise enough to know that was me, when I'd been in Mom's womb, even though I'd only been in there for such a small amount of time.

Just the memory of it, the reminder that I used to be called 'a little nudger' was enough to make me cry, irrelevant of the fact that this letter had probably been written 174 years ago. I was 174 years old, although stuck forever in the body of a seventeen year old. But now? Now, I felt no older than the little girl this was addressed to.

I'd been rummaging through Mom's stuff, trying to find one of my favourite books that had been misplaced so long ago. And I'd found these, the book slipping from my memory almost instantly.

All ten of them, although one was missing. Every name on the page was scrawled with such love and adoration that I knew they were important. But Dad's was missing… and Mom would never leave out Dad.

Collapsing on the floor in Mom and Dad's room, I leant against the wall that was adjacent to the bookshelf. I felt like I was intruding, but the letter was addressed to _me!_ I am the little nudger… just a lot older, a lot less nudging.

I began to read.

The pages rattled beneath me, and the scent of the paper was slightly tinted with an ink, and salt… there were several blotches on the page, smeared ink marks. When Mom had written this, she'd been crying. Not just silent tears, but loud snotty sobs; she'd written this when she was human, when she'd been pregnant with me.

_Is it strange to you that I'm writing this letter to you without ever meeting you?_

That was the first line. But that wasn't what I thought was strange; the fact I was reading this was strange, utterly disturbing. Why had Mom written these?

Through the blurring film of tears that clouded my eyes, stung my throat, and burned my cheeks, I read. Words burst out the page at me, but I couldn't shake the sound Mom's voice, as if she were reading it aloud. They were full of love, passion and determination.

_You are a part of me._

_I'll give everything to you._

_I'll never watch you take your first step._

I stopped in my tracks. My eyes re-read the words over and over again, and I found my frustrated outlet as my tears crashed. These were words of… _goodbye? _What? Why? She was imagining me, and apologising that she was being mushy to Dad, as if that's something I haven't already seen. Apologising for never being there, when she always had been.

_You'll be quite old when you read this._

_Old enough to handle the situation._

_I hope you know about me._

Even then, as I read the words, I didn't quite understand. I never truly got the message of the words. It was true, I was old; 174 is a hell of a lot older than most. Handle the situation… words of goodbye. What had happened? What was Mom expecting to happen? It was weird, reading this from so many years ago. It had an eerie feeling; I almost felt like Alice, knowing this letter wasn't needed because I knew the future.

_I'm going to tell you about me. _

_I want you to know me as much as I want to know you._

_I'll always be there_

_Even if you can't see me…_

My heart ached. I could physically feel the burning there as I read the words. I moaned about Mom sometimes, who didn't? She was overprotective, although she wasn't quite as bad as Dad, forgetting that I was fully grown. Sometimes she just saw the seventeen year old exterior.

But the thought of her not being there… the thought of not seeing her, being able to hug her… it burned. A scolding spasm of grief at the simple thought.

_I'm your Mommy_

_I'm quite small and thin._

_I'm so clumsy_

_I love books and reading._

The way she described herself was odd… her hair colour, eye colour, her passions and habits; I knew them all. I knew what drove her mad, what ticked her off. I knew which animal she preferred to hunt, and what colour suited her best. The language she used was patronising; the differences between Mom on paper and the Mom I knew were so different.

_Baby, I love you._

And then I had to stop for several minutes. I placed the letter on the floor beside me, and stood. Pacing the large room, I took deep breaths and clenched my fists to try and suppress the sobs that threatened to ripple, as loud as thunder, from my chest. The emotion… the raw simple statement had shaken me so much. My Mom really was trying to tell me something; the words about not being able to see her, about loving me, telling me about her.

Returning to my place, I took the letter in my hands again. My own tears had added to Mom's blotches and they blended together, exactly like I would embrace her. Mother and daughter…

And then it all came clear:

_Daddy struggled with the situation because, baby, well, the pregnancy is a little hard on me. I'm feeling a bit weak at the moment, but, sweetheart, please… it's not your fault!_

She was saying goodbye… because she was slowly dying. And I was her killer. I knew Mom's birth had been difficult, and that Dad had changed her. But how bad had Mom been? Enough for my own supposedly loving Dad to _struggle _at the thought of me? Enough for her to write heartfelt, gut wrenching letters of goodbye to her loved ones? I was a monster.

_Daddy blames himself_

_Have a long happy life_

_No regrets…_

How was that possible? If I'd killed my own Mom, then I should have been killed. You read about this, sadistic people who murder their parents… and I was so close to being one of them! How could I _not_ regret taking the life from her?

Then she described the family; the same Cullen's I'd spent the past 174 years with, taking out the couple of years when Jake and I had ventured out on our own to explore life together.

_Daddy is very stubborn…_

_Alice is probably the most annoying but fantastic person…_

_Jasper is such a lovely gentleman…_

_Auntie Rosalie; she loves you…_

_Uncle Emmett will always be able to make you laugh…_

_Nana Esme is the most loving person…_

_Grandpa Carlisle is a very wise man…_

As if I didn't know that… as if I needed help in the right direction to help me identify my family. It was all true, each and every thing Mom had said. Dad was too stubborn, although Mom could give him a run for his money. Alice was… annoying, definitely, but so much fun. There was never a dull moment with Alice, or Emmett, although I would have placed most annoying on him. Rosalie was bitter, it was true, but she did love me. She was the one I turned to when I couldn't go to Mom, just like Mom had asked. It's like I was living this letter out, following its orders without even reading it.

_Did you know I'd never planned for children?_

_I'd never realised how empty my heart was._

_How could someone love something without even knowing them, seeing them?_

_It's irrational but very, very real._

I knew Mom had never really expected children – that's what happens when you fall in love with a vampire. So the way she's described her feelings towards me, the explanation I'd never truly heard. She loved me, I knew. I'd _always _known I was loved by my parents, and everyone else. But I was an accident, really, although they often buttered it up with the word 'miracle' instead. But to hear that her heart was empty, and I was the one to fill it made my tears run over; my heart beat even faster, and a smile to ghost my face. I gripped the paper harder as it rustled loudly in protest, the sound like a fire spitting.

_You'll need to be with your Mommy_

_I'll regret not being there._

_Please know that's not my choice_

_I've given everything I have to you already._

In the back of my throat, the tears pricked. In some ways, it was more annoying than the thirst that roared every time there was even the smallest scent of blood. With a thirst, you could quench it. What could I do to rid myself of this strange aching? I did the only thing I could; read on.

_You won't be able to see me, but I'll be there._

_If you want a hug from me, go to Daddy instead._

_I love you more than my own life._

That much was true. Mom had been prepared to give everything, and it struck me then, in that moment, how much everything was to her. Mom and Dad had a relationship that was so intense and passionate, it was queasy to watch. As I'd grown older, I'd understood it better, although even understanding didn't mean I wanted to know about it. But you couldn't deny the true love that was there. Mom had been willing to give that up for _me_?

_How can I end this letter?_

_How can I say 'goodbye' to you, when, really, I never said 'hello'?_

_I gave my life to you, you never took it._

Inhaling deeply, my chest rose and shook. My hand swiftly swiped a tickling tear away and I blinked quickly to clear my vision. Mom wasn't dead, but it felt as if she was, it really did. It felt as if I'd been transported back to a time when I was small, to a time when I'd feared for her safety. Being in the womb, I could only remember so much. But the encounter with the Volturi was etched into my mind forever. The situation still applied; she would have died fighting for me, for my life, and my safety. That's how amazing my Mom was.

_I'll always be with you, in your heart, your head and the air that you breathe._

_I love you forever and always, little nudger; you've already captured my heart._

_Just in case_

_Mommy, xx_

I fingered the rustled pages in my fingers; the goodbye from my Mom, the only thing I would have to remember her by if she'd died during her pregnancy. I tried to think:

What would I have done if all I had to picture my Mom by was her pathetic excuse for a description? Long wavy brown hair and chocolate eyes? Her and a third of the world's population! Her love of books, and music, but what else? Where was her passion for art, and her temporary love of motorcycles? Where was the rest of her history? Her school friends? How she was good at cooking? Her favourite smell, her favourite flower?

I was angry. Because, so easily, I could have lost my mother and, so easily, I could have been reading this letter as it was intended; as a substitute for my grief, or lack of knowledge. And I was angry, furious.

A knock sounded at the door. Quickly turning, I tried to push the pieces of paper under my bottom, sitting on them, but I knew it was too late. Any vampire would have seen. Especially Dad, bronze haired, confused but patient standing at the door.

"You found it then?" he said quietly, his tone almost inaudible because of the sorrow and sympathy that swirled around it, muffling the words.

"How long have you been standing there?" I demanded, embarrassed at being caught.

"Seconds." He shrugged. "I heard your distraught thoughts and came to find you, see if you were alright." He edged towards me closer.

"Have you read yours?" I snapped, waving the pile of envelopes in front of me, the movement creating a waft of air. "Yours is missing."

"Yes, a while ago,"

Our eyes met for several moments, and I blushed under my tone. Despite everything, he was my father and I needed to respect him. Sometimes it was hard, seeing someone my age as an authority figure. Sometimes I got angry, living in such close proximity when I just wanted privacy for Jake and I. But somtimes I liked it, being just a call away, the relationship we had.

"I understand," he tried to say, but I shook my head to dismiss him. After several more moments of a silence that swallowed us whole, he moved backwards. "I'll go and fetch your mom; you need to talk to her about it."

I was about to protest, but he was gone. And when I was left alone in the room again, the weight of the words drowning me, the sound of them echoing round and round, I was pleased that Mom was coming. Dad was right, as always; I needed to talk to her.

"Renesmee."

Spinning to see the door, Mom was standing, her forehead creased as she breathed out my full name. I could smell her scent even from here; a beautiful strawberry and freesia mixture that I'd always associate with her. Had I not met her, I'd never have known. Nowhere in the letter did it mention what she smelt like.

"Why?" I whispered, all energy leaving me in the instant I tried to talk to her. I felt exhausted.

"Why what, honey?" Mom asked, stepping towards me quickly and hovering about me; her presence was soothing, even though I was still angry. "Why did I write the letter? Why did I prepare to die?"

"Both."

"Because," she said, kneeling in front of me. Again, I felt so young. Here I was, 174 years old, but as my mother stroked my cheek with her delicate pale fingers, and her wide loving eyes, I reverted back to my small self. "I loved you. Because a letter was all I could give you; my pathetic attempt at trying to tell you everything I could. You should know that I could have written forever. Pages after pages simply telling you how much I loved you, how much I wanted you to be happy and healthy; but the reason for the letter was because I didn't have forever."

Mom's hair fell in front of her eyes. Its length never varied; it was never cut, because it'd never grow back. Alice sometimes styled it differently, but Mom was too set in her ways to go to town with different styles.

"You were prepared to die," I stated. "Why?"

She closed her eyes for several moments, breathed deeply and smiled, showing her sharp white teeth. Her cheeks lifted and she changed position so she was sitting on the floor beside me. Her scent was more empowering now, comforting. But I didn't want to let on. I was a fully grown woman.

"You've never had children, Nessie, so you won't know. The _feelings_;_ that_ gut wrenching feeling that re-arrange your insides because the love is _so_ strong. That's why. Because in that moment, when I knew you were inside of me, there was no other option but to give you everything; irrational, but very very real."

I noticed she'd quoted her letter, although it seemed to go unnoticed to her.

"I just can't believe it," I said through gritted teeth, holding up the letter. "Seriously, Mom was this _it?_"

"It was the only thing I had left to give, honey. I'm sorry. It would never have been enough. I could have written pages and pages, I could have written a novel and more with the amount of things I wanted to say, Nessie, but it still wouldn't have been enough!" She breathed heavily, her words separated.

I could tell she was angry, regretful, but also defeated. In her eyes, I saw the faint memory that she had of the time, and the agony she went through, the pain and torment, mentally and physically, as I wore her down. She was the one who had the right to be angry, not me. She was the one who was so close to having everything taken away from her.

"I'm so sorry, Mom. I couldn't help it. I didn't know. I would have stopped!" I gushed, trying to make her see.

"No, Renesmee, sshh!" she said, pulling me into an embrace much like old times. We sat, on the floor, our arms wrapped around each other. We must have looked so silly; two seemingly seventeen/eighteen year olds holding each other so desperately. "I gave it you all, I've said this. Read it again, and you'll see. You tried to stop. When you knew you were hurting me, you tried."

She kissed my forehead, gently and quickly, before pulling away, creating a distance. It was for my sake; I got claustrophobic with all the touching sometimes.

"All that matters is that you're safe," Mom whispered, and I squeezed her hand tightly, a pressure she didn't really notice.

"Are you going to give the others theirs?" I asked, my eyes flickering to the pile of other envelopes which were near to my discarded letter that I'd placed down quickly in my anger and frustration. Mom sighed, and I saw her look at them too. Her handwriting was a scrawl, and all nine envelopes craved attention; the paper called to us with an unspoken song which she couldn't deny any longer.

Leaning forward, she took the envelopes in her hands. Her eyes closed shut for several moments as her fingers remembered the letters; she touched them so gently, letting the texture of the paper brush across her finger tips, let the words she'd wrote and the emotions she'd felt pour back into her.

Mom shuffled through them, and she removed two from the pile. I looked at her, confused, for a moment but when I saw to whom they were addressed to, I understood.

_Dad,_

_Mom, _

Both Grandpa Charlie and Renée had died now; they'd been gone a long time. Although I'd only met Renée twice - when Renee had visited Charlie to be friendly and kind, to offer any help to the ex-husband who she still loved, brought together by the trauma of losing a child - she'd never known I was her granddaughter.

Mom bit her lip, a habit that I noticed all the more now; where did it say she bit her lip on the letter? But she did, when she was nervous, awkward, or upset.

"When your father read his letter, he asked me a similar question. I'd said another time," Mom explained, as she took unnecessary breaths. "But, now I think that it's too much trouble."

Mom sighed heavily, leaning over to take my hand in hers.

"What do you mean?"

"Honey, I mean that the two people who've read the letters were almost torn apart by reading them," she mumbled, looking at me; I tried to imagine my dad being torn apart whilst holding pieces of paper. It wasn't hard. Dad without Mom was nonexistent. "They were written so long ago, when things were so different, another time, another life. It was during a time when worry filled me. I wrote those letters because I thought I was running out of time…"

I waited as Mom jumbled the envelopes in her hand, her eyes grazing over the name that she'd scrawled so many years ago, the colour of the black ink having faded slightly.

"It doesn't seem right… to bring up so much negativity after so long."

"You aren't going to give them the others to read?" I asked, not shocked. I'd gotten my letter, I'd read it. And with each word that Mom said, and with each squeeze of my hand, I felt the anger I'd felt drift slowly away.

Suddenly, I had the feeling we were being watched, and I looked up quickly to see Dad standing against the door way, as he had been several moments earlier, eyeing us up with a deep sense of concern and love.

"I hate to see my two favourite girls upset," he mumbled quietly with a small sad smile.

"Then come and kiss me better." I rolled my eyes at the romance between them, but it was nothing different to Jake sometimes behaved.

Dad walked over to us both, and sat down on the floor next to us, completing our small three-person circle.

"Are you not passing the letters on?" Dad asked, although he could probably know from my mind if he delved deep enough into it, something he tried not to do because of the privacy I often craved.

Mom shook her head quickly. "It's too much. There's no point. The ones who are most important to me have read them already."

"If you're sure," Dad whispered quietly, shuffling closer towards us and leaning into us, enveloping us both in his sturdy protective arms.

"I'm sure." Mom nodded, pulling away from both of us. "Come with me."

She swiftly stood, gripping the letters tightly in one hand and holding my hand in the other. Dad followed us out of the room and onto the balcony that was connected to the bedroom via the large glass double doors that looked out onto the lavish gardens that slowly blended into the depths of the forest.

"What are we doing?" I asked, looking from Mom to Dad as Mom quickly left for several moments, reappearing seconds later with a match box in her hand.

An intense stare was passed between Mom and Dad as he eyed the matches, and Mom looked back at me. With her intention clear, I handed the letter to her.

"I don't want it. It was meant as some kind of replacement; I don't need a replacement. I have the real thing." I smiled with tears in my eyes as I looked at her, hoping to show my adoration for her through my eyes.

She nodded, and held the stack of envelopes and loose papers up in front of us, striking a match with her other hand and bringing the open flickering flame to the corner of the papers. As the flame spread, my mother's smile spread as if a huge weight had been lifted.

And as the letters burned, the flame finally dying, we all said goodbye to the part in our lives that was crowded with fear and horror that, although quickly replaced with miracles and happiness, still lingered.

I realised how lucky I was; I hadn't needed the letter, when it could have all too easily been something I'd clung to with desperate hands.

_Just in case, s_he'd said.

And never had I been more grateful for the moment I shared now; my parents and I, an unspoken understanding passing between us as we finally buried the memory as deep as our perfected minds would allow.

* * *

_So, I understand thats not exactly what many of you wanted. But all of the family members reading the letters, I feel, would get monotonous. Don't you think? I'm pleased with the way this story was brought to a close :)_

_I've replaced my authors note with this chapter, so I'll include it here. Thank you very much for all of your support and encouragement through this story! You guys were amazing, and I appreciate each and every one of your reviews. _

_Please review and let me know your thoughts :)_

_Thanks you for reading xxx_


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